Announcement of Sabbath
We will be taking a Disgracepoint Sabbath rest until the new year. In other words, we've run out of stories, and I need to therefore prepare and queue up more stories. So please submit any demotivator-worthy pictures or stories! For the next year, this site will probably only post up stories during the weekdays and skip out on the weekends.
Literally Figurative
Friend 1: I like your red scarf!
Friend 2: Wow, it's very red. It's like it has Christmas written all over it.
Sister A: It has Christmas written all over it? Where?
Friend 2: Wow, it's very red. It's like it has Christmas written all over it.
Sister A: It has Christmas written all over it? Where?
Feeding of the Five Thousand
"The fish that this boy gave to Jesus were little small fish, like entropies.”
The Importance of a Single Letter
An English Patient Brother P points to a bag of snacks and says, “Hey, could you get me those Flamingo Hot?”
Self-Refuting Claims
This is what was written on a resume cover-letter of a particular brother:
"I am quick and efficient at work, and I'm through."
"I am quick and efficient at work, and I'm through."
Confusing Names
Sister K: I want to eat the Cookie Monster!
Friend: Why?
Sister K: Because he’s a cookie!
Friend: He’s not… a cookie…
Sister K: Oh. Never mind then.
Joyland Christmas Celebration
Setting: Michelle Sun, the director of Joyland children’s ministry, has a meeting with all the volunteer adults who will help out with Joyland Christmas Celebration.
Michelle: Who can tell me the reason why we have our children do JCC?
Volunteer: To learn about Thanksgiving!!
New Member of Gracepoint
submitted by Anonymous Brother’s roommate
Anonymous Brother: I didn’t get what Daniel was supposed to be in Thanksgiving Celebration.. Why was he wearing a white suit?
Brother K: I think he was supposed to be like Elvis Presley.
Anonymous Brother: Who’s that? Is he someone in Gracepoint?
Cramming (Part 2)
Note: In order for this story to make sense, you need to first read the previous post (Cramming Part 1).
A few weeks after Parent Teacher Conference and the bewildering talk with his 1st grade daughter, the father has a little chat with his daughter again...
Father: So, how's school been?
Daughter: Good!
Father: Have you been a good girl in class?
Daughter: (pause) I think so.
Father: Have you been speaking too loud in class?
Daughter: [silence]
Father: (concerned) Have you been too loud?
Daugther: (long pause) I don't think so...
Father: Okay, have you gotten in trouble in class recently?
Daughter: What do you mean "recently"?
A few weeks after Parent Teacher Conference and the bewildering talk with his 1st grade daughter, the father has a little chat with his daughter again...
Father: So, how's school been?
Daughter: Good!
Father: Have you been a good girl in class?
Daughter: (pause) I think so.
Father: Have you been speaking too loud in class?
Daughter: [silence]
Father: (concerned) Have you been too loud?
Daugther: (long pause) I don't think so...
Father: Okay, have you gotten in trouble in class recently?
Daughter: What do you mean "recently"?
Cramming (Part 1)
This is a story of one of our Gracepoint children, who is in 1st grade. Her father goes to a Parent-Teacher conference. Knowing that his daughter has had problems with being too loud and not listening in the classroom, the father asks her teacher about this behavioral problem. The teacher tells the father, "Actually, she has had problems before, but for the past 2 weeks, I have seen so much improvement in that area that I've changed my mind about that. She listens to instructions, she's sweet, that she's become such a model student!" The father is touched by this turnaround, so when he picks up his daughter, he has the following conversation.
Father: I just had the conference with your teacher.
Daughter: What did she say?
Father: She said that you're a good student, and that your behavior in class got much much better. She said that you listen and that you now have an indoor voice. So keep it up.
Daughter: Oh, okay.
Father: So... what caused you to change?
Daughter: Well, about 2 weeks ago, I remembered that there's going to be a parent-teacher conference.. And so I wanted the teacher to think that I... (pause) you know.
Father: [pause] So you crammed behavioral change???
Father: I just had the conference with your teacher.
Daughter: What did she say?
Father: She said that you're a good student, and that your behavior in class got much much better. She said that you listen and that you now have an indoor voice. So keep it up.
Daughter: Oh, okay.
Father: So... what caused you to change?
Daughter: Well, about 2 weeks ago, I remembered that there's going to be a parent-teacher conference.. And so I wanted the teacher to think that I... (pause) you know.
Father: [pause] So you crammed behavioral change???
English Patient: Backseat Driver
submitted by Victoria
Friend: Hey, you missed the exit!
Sister T: You're such a backstreet driver!
Friend: Hey, you missed the exit!
Sister T: You're such a backstreet driver!
Demotivator Caption Winner
Here’s the winner for the Demotivator Caption! BTW, there was another caption that was submitted anonymously which read: “Cal Football: No matter how much you pump it up, it always deflates”, which came in a close 3rd place in the polls. This past Thanksgiving Retreat, I was notified that that was submitted by a brother from UT! I am not a football fan, so I personally found it pretty funny that it was submitted by a Gracepoint Austin bro. Not sure what Pastor Will thinks about that, though.. Nice.
Vote for Favorite Caption
Please vote on the right for your favorite caption, which is for the picture shown in a previous post with the truck.
English Patient: A Solution to Our Economic Crisis
submitted by Mark
"My 7th grade teacher was so scary that no one dared to go out, even when the bell rang. We didn't have any recessions."
"My 7th grade teacher was so scary that no one dared to go out, even when the bell rang. We didn't have any recessions."
Happy Thanksgiving!
Happy Thanksgiving everyone!
Let's give thanks to God and appreciate everything that He's given us, including our ability to laugh. What would life be if we didn't have this odd ability to find life hilarious?
Let's give thanks to God and appreciate everything that He's given us, including our ability to laugh. What would life be if we didn't have this odd ability to find life hilarious?
Pronunciation Confusion
Setting: Two sisters goofing around, and one scares the other pretending to hit her. The scared sister falls over.
Friend1: Oh my gosh! I didn't hit her at all! My feast was so far away!
Friend2: You mean your "fist".
Friend1: Yeah, that's what I meant.
Sister F: Umm.. what's the difference?
Friend1: Oh my gosh! I didn't hit her at all! My feast was so far away!
Friend2: You mean your "fist".
Friend1: Yeah, that's what I meant.
Sister F: Umm.. what's the difference?
Modified TC Dance Video
Thank you Erickson for the submission of the personal cam video of Steve and Suzanne's dance. I've re-edited the video, which is found here.
English Patient: Black Horse
Sister S: Wow! She is awesome at sports! She is like a black hole in our class! No, no. I mean the sapphire! No, no, no. Ahhh! What is it?! (pause) Oh! She is the diablo!!!
Demotivator Caption Contest
Please vote for your favorite caption on the left. This caption is for the picture of Greg at Gracepoint Riverside below.
Happy Thanksgiving Celebration!
Hello disgracepoint readers,
Since we're having Thanksgiving Celebration today where you will be exposed to more disgraceful acts than you care to witness, we will not be posting anything for this day. We would probably need a few days of rest to recover emotionally from TC.
Since we're having Thanksgiving Celebration today where you will be exposed to more disgraceful acts than you care to witness, we will not be posting anything for this day. We would probably need a few days of rest to recover emotionally from TC.
Literal Understanding: Les Mis
One of the Gracepoint kids was listening to a Les Mis song, and it came to the line where it says: "Just for stealing a mouthful of bread!"
And she exclaims, "Gross! Why he steal someone's bread when it's in his mouth?"
And she exclaims, "Gross! Why he steal someone's bread when it's in his mouth?"
English Patient: Eye Doctor
Setting: Sister Y goes to an optomologist and fills out a form, which asks for the reason for her visit.. And this is what she writes:
"Short-sightedness"
"Short-sightedness"
Vegetarian Smokies
submitted by Tracy
Setting: At Gracepoint SD, they were preparing the lil' smokies for the post Bible-study bonfire.
Brother R: Hey, I bought some vegetarian smokies, so don't mix the two packages, okay?
Sister: I don't see any vegetarian ones...
Brother R: It's right there. (points to bag)
Sister: But that bag says it's turkey smokies.
Brother R: Yeah, so set that aside for vegetarians.
Sister: (pause) But turkey is meat.
Brother R: [silence]
Setting: At Gracepoint SD, they were preparing the lil' smokies for the post Bible-study bonfire.
Brother R: Hey, I bought some vegetarian smokies, so don't mix the two packages, okay?
Sister: I don't see any vegetarian ones...
Brother R: It's right there. (points to bag)
Sister: But that bag says it's turkey smokies.
Brother R: Yeah, so set that aside for vegetarians.
Sister: (pause) But turkey is meat.
Brother R: [silence]
Blasphemous Career
Sister Y: So, Brother W, what do you do at your job?
Brother W: I work at a solar company...
Sister Y: So you make solar panels?
Brother W: Yeah, we do that, but also work on the entire system from batteries to wiring and things... So we set up the entire solar system.
Sister Y: (quite serious) What? Only God makes solar systems!!
NOTE: Sister Y claimed later that she was just joking, and that she was just making fun of Brother W's awkward expression "solar system". It only goes to show you the prejudice against English Patients, who can't even say clever word puns without being misunderstood. I believe Sister Y.
Brother W: I work at a solar company...
Sister Y: So you make solar panels?
Brother W: Yeah, we do that, but also work on the entire system from batteries to wiring and things... So we set up the entire solar system.
Sister Y: (quite serious) What? Only God makes solar systems!!
NOTE: Sister Y claimed later that she was just joking, and that she was just making fun of Brother W's awkward expression "solar system". It only goes to show you the prejudice against English Patients, who can't even say clever word puns without being misunderstood. I believe Sister Y.
Difficulties of Spelling
Sister H: Do you know how to spell 'cat'?
Child: C-A-T?
Sister H: Good! Ok how about 'mat'?
Child: M-A-T?
Sister H: Good! How about 'pat'?
Child: hmmm...
Sister H: What makes the 'puh' sound?
Child: A?
Sister H: No...
Child: C?
Sister H: No...
Child: 6?
Child: C-A-T?
Sister H: Good! Ok how about 'mat'?
Child: M-A-T?
Sister H: Good! How about 'pat'?
Child: hmmm...
Sister H: What makes the 'puh' sound?
Child: A?
Sister H: No...
Child: C?
Sister H: No...
Child: 6?
Sister Y Strikes Again
submitted by Grace
Friend1: Today, I saw a girl with a British accent come into the store, and when she realized that the price she had to pay was higher than the price listed, I heard her mutter "Americans" under her breath.
Friend2: Yeah, because in England, the sales tax is included in the listed price.
Sister Y: In China, there is NO SUCH THING as tax.. (after a short pause, softly) Americans.
Friend1: Today, I saw a girl with a British accent come into the store, and when she realized that the price she had to pay was higher than the price listed, I heard her mutter "Americans" under her breath.
Friend2: Yeah, because in England, the sales tax is included in the listed price.
Sister Y: In China, there is NO SUCH THING as tax.. (after a short pause, softly) Americans.
English Patient: Goosebumps
Sister K: Oh my gosh, it's so cold. I have chickenpox all over my skin.
Friend: Umm.. I think you meant to say "goosebumps".
Friend: Umm.. I think you meant to say "goosebumps".
Acronyms: Gracepoint Prayer List
submitted by Josh Linville
Friend: We usually know who's pregnant because of the GPL
Brother P: We have a Gracepoint Pregnant List?
Friend: We usually know who's pregnant because of the GPL
Brother P: We have a Gracepoint Pregnant List?
English Patient: Dorm
Sister B: Hi, are you a new student here?
Student: Yes, I am.
Sister B: Which dorm are you at?
Student: I'm a commuter.
Sister B: Oh, is that a nice dorm?
Student: Yes, I am.
Sister B: Which dorm are you at?
Student: I'm a commuter.
Sister B: Oh, is that a nice dorm?
English Patient: Wrong Animal
From Gracepoint Davis...
Brother K: Hey, let's go to Black Bear Diner for breakfast and also do our DT there.
Brother P: Yes, then we can kill 2 bunnies with one stone.
Brother G: We have a foblem.
Brother K: Hey, let's go to Black Bear Diner for breakfast and also do our DT there.
Brother P: Yes, then we can kill 2 bunnies with one stone.
Brother G: We have a foblem.
English Patients Playing Taboo
Setting: A bunch of English Patients are playing the game Taboo (a game where you try to get your teammates to guess a word)
The word was "Alibi", and the clue that was given: "This is what you sing to babies to make them fall asleep!"
The word was "Blush" and the clue was: "This is what you use to clean your teeth!"
The word was "Scientist", and an English Patient brother, who is a science-major said: "This word describes me!" and his teammates shouted, "FOB!"
The word was "Alibi", and the clue that was given: "This is what you sing to babies to make them fall asleep!"
The word was "Blush" and the clue was: "This is what you use to clean your teeth!"
The word was "Scientist", and an English Patient brother, who is a science-major said: "This word describes me!" and his teammates shouted, "FOB!"
Evil Beanbag: Music Video
Thanks to Jammy Yang for music suggestion and Sam Kim for editing..
If you took MYT for video editing before and want to brush up on your skills, you are welcome to try to come up with your own music video using the footage from Evil Beanbag. You can download all 3 episodes from the vimeo account.
The lyrics of this music by Disciple goes well with the whole theme of the Pause series.
If you took MYT for video editing before and want to brush up on your skills, you are welcome to try to come up with your own music video using the footage from Evil Beanbag. You can download all 3 episodes from the vimeo account.
The lyrics of this music by Disciple goes well with the whole theme of the Pause series.
Vote for Your Favorite Caption
Please vote on the poll to the right. This is for the demotivator picture that you see here. You can vote for multiple captions.
Candies
Child 1: Oh yeah! I got a strawberry cookie!
Child 2: I got a cookies and cream cookie!
Child 1: Not fair!! How come you get two!??!
Child 2: I got a cookies and cream cookie!
Child 1: Not fair!! How come you get two!??!
English Patient: My Shoe
Setting: Some sisters are heating up some dumplings
Friend: Oh wow, is that shu mai?
Sister Y: Oh really? Which shoe is yours?
Friend: Oh wow, is that shu mai?
Sister Y: Oh really? Which shoe is yours?
Mississippi River
Setting: Brother E arrives into Minnesota airport and is visiting the Minnesota team.
Driver: We live right by the Mississippi River, and we are about to drive over it.
Brother E: Oh wow, so the Mississippi River is man-made, huh?
Driver: ???
Driver: We live right by the Mississippi River, and we are about to drive over it.
Brother E: Oh wow, so the Mississippi River is man-made, huh?
Driver: ???
Demotivator Contest
Hello,
Although it is painful for me to allow this submission, please provide a caption for this picture by commenting on this post. This picture was taken during the Yosemite trip this past summer.
Although it is painful for me to allow this submission, please provide a caption for this picture by commenting on this post. This picture was taken during the Yosemite trip this past summer.
Evil Beanbag Video
For our Sunday Worship Service, we've been going through a message series called "Pause", and this is episode #1 of the video component of the series.
Homonym Problems
Setting: A group of sisters are meeting together over their first house dinner and discussing how often they should have house meetings.
Friend: So, do we agree to meet once a month?
Sister E: What?? No way! Meat only once a month?
Friend: So, do we agree to meet once a month?
Sister E: What?? No way! Meat only once a month?
Alarm Sound
Brother R and his friend M are working together at Sierra Lodge, and Brother M notices a faint sound of some kind of alarm going off.
It was faint, but then the alarm sound started to get louder and louder... and then Brother R comes into the room, and says, "Do you hear that alarm sound? I'm trying to figure out where it's coming from."
And then as Brother R leaves the room, the alarm sound got fainter again.
Brother R, of course, had a hard time finding the source of that sound, because from his perspective, the volume of the alarm seemed constant, no matter where he went. It was a few minutes before Brother R realized that the alarm sound was coming from his own cell phone.
It was faint, but then the alarm sound started to get louder and louder... and then Brother R comes into the room, and says, "Do you hear that alarm sound? I'm trying to figure out where it's coming from."
And then as Brother R leaves the room, the alarm sound got fainter again.
Brother R, of course, had a hard time finding the source of that sound, because from his perspective, the volume of the alarm seemed constant, no matter where he went. It was a few minutes before Brother R realized that the alarm sound was coming from his own cell phone.
English Patient: Misspelling Part 2
Upon hearing about Brother J's "Jason Bound" story (posted 2 days ago), a group of people are having a grand old time talking about it. Then suddenly, Sister Y, another English Patient, says, "Ha ha ha! I know why that's funny!"
Sister V, who was sitting next to Sister Y, quickly tries to stop her, saying, "No, you don't. Don't say whatever you're going to say, because you don't."
Despite the warning, Sister Y kept on insisting that she DID understand the humor, and despite multiple attempts to stop her, Sister Y blurts out, "It's funny because it's supposed to be James Bond!"
Sister V, who was sitting next to Sister Y, quickly tries to stop her, saying, "No, you don't. Don't say whatever you're going to say, because you don't."
Despite the warning, Sister Y kept on insisting that she DID understand the humor, and despite multiple attempts to stop her, Sister Y blurts out, "It's funny because it's supposed to be James Bond!"
English Patient: Misspelling
Setting: A bunch of brothers are gathered together, looking at a DVD cover of foreign copy of Bourne Supremacy from Singapore... laughing at the fact it says on the cover, "Starring, Jason Bound".
English Patient J: What's funny?
Friend: Here, check out this misspelling! (gives the DVD)
English Patient J: (scans the DVD cover very carefully, with a slightly confused look... and then suddenly, a lightbulb goes on in his eyes, and he says) Ahhh!! That's funny! Supremacy!! ha ha ha.
English Patient J: What's funny?
Friend: Here, check out this misspelling! (gives the DVD)
English Patient J: (scans the DVD cover very carefully, with a slightly confused look... and then suddenly, a lightbulb goes on in his eyes, and he says) Ahhh!! That's funny! Supremacy!! ha ha ha.
Disgracepoint Classic: That the World May Know
The original "That the World May Know" video that started the series... Which became an instant Gracepoint classic.
These are all based on true stories. Some might even argue that they are exactly true stories.
John is now at Gracepoint Minneapolis Church, which is a new church plant in Minnesota.
These are all based on true stories. Some might even argue that they are exactly true stories.
John is now at Gracepoint Minneapolis Church, which is a new church plant in Minnesota.
Tricky Acronyms
Sister S looks at a label attached on a pair of tongs and asks, "Hey, what does D-A-V-I-S stand for?"
Hurting: Fantastic Four
Friends are gathered around talking about the movie "Fantastic Four", when all of a sudden, one sister says, "Oh, I don't think I can understand the movie even if watched it, because I haven't seen Fantastic One, Two, or Three..."
Q&A Session
Brother M: Let’s open it up for questions now.
Student: Yeah… so why do you think materialism and consumerism are so prevalent in our culture today?
Brother M: I don’t know! I’m not a socialist.
[silence in the room]
Brother M: I mean… I’m not a sociologist.
Student: Yeah… so why do you think materialism and consumerism are so prevalent in our culture today?
Brother M: I don’t know! I’m not a socialist.
[silence in the room]
Brother M: I mean… I’m not a sociologist.
Hurting: D.L. Moody
Setting: A group of people are sitting around and talking about different seminaries named after D.L. Moody, the great American evangelist.
Friend1: Isn't there one called Moody Theological Seminary?
Friend2: Yeah, but I think there's another one that's named after D.L. Moody.
Sister V: Oh, you mean Moody Fashion Institute?
Friend1: Isn't there one called Moody Theological Seminary?
Friend2: Yeah, but I think there's another one that's named after D.L. Moody.
Sister V: Oh, you mean Moody Fashion Institute?
English Patient Email
English Patient email:
"Thank you very much for praying for safe travel overseas. I think I'm finally over my jetlegs."
"Thank you very much for praying for safe travel overseas. I think I'm finally over my jetlegs."
Graduations from a Kid's Perspective
submitted by Jenn Chen
Setting: On Graduation Sunday, the seniors are putting on caps and gowns..
Kid: Wow, Teacher G, are you graduating?
Teacher G: Yes I am.
Kid: Woa, Teacher G! You are old! You'll be dead soon!
Setting: On Graduation Sunday, the seniors are putting on caps and gowns..
Kid: Wow, Teacher G, are you graduating?
Teacher G: Yes I am.
Kid: Woa, Teacher G! You are old! You'll be dead soon!
English Patient: Acts of Surrender
“After I became a Christian, I stopped listening to circular music.”
Basketball Dominance
Setting: Brother L comes back from basketball and talks to Brother D about it.
Brother L: Man! John Korea was so good today!
Brother D: What?? No way! John Korea?
Brother L: Yeah, he's good. I'd take John Korea over you.
Brother D: No! You're kidding me! I'm offended!
Brother L: Seriously, he's pretty good.
Brother D: All right! That's it! Me and John Korea, 1-on-1. Let's organize it.. I will totally school... Wait... [long pause] Who's John Korea?
Brother L: Man! John Korea was so good today!
Brother D: What?? No way! John Korea?
Brother L: Yeah, he's good. I'd take John Korea over you.
Brother D: No! You're kidding me! I'm offended!
Brother L: Seriously, he's pretty good.
Brother D: All right! That's it! Me and John Korea, 1-on-1. Let's organize it.. I will totally school... Wait... [long pause] Who's John Korea?
Sierra Lodge Death Star
In 2007, when we were building our Sierra Lodge, we had some wasp problems... Here's a picture of one of the biggest wasp nests that we've seen, and below is the video of how John Ko and Tony Sun took care of that.
Note: Some brothers mocked John Ko for running away from the fallen Death Star like a little cry-baby. We could not reach John Ko for comments. However, there were brothers (not shown in the video) who were actually in the house, who were so afraid that they ran away to the other side of the building, even though they were inside the house. After this video came out, Pastor Ed Kang started to tell the brothers that they were being little cry-babies and claimed that he could crush those wasps nests with his hammer, right in front of his face. The next time we went up to the Sierra Lodge with Pastor Ed, I challenged him to actually do it, and to my amazement, he actually did it even with wasps circling around him! It turned out to be a good story, because he didn't get eaten up by the angry wasps, otherwise this story would be quite different.
Note: Some brothers mocked John Ko for running away from the fallen Death Star like a little cry-baby. We could not reach John Ko for comments. However, there were brothers (not shown in the video) who were actually in the house, who were so afraid that they ran away to the other side of the building, even though they were inside the house. After this video came out, Pastor Ed Kang started to tell the brothers that they were being little cry-babies and claimed that he could crush those wasps nests with his hammer, right in front of his face. The next time we went up to the Sierra Lodge with Pastor Ed, I challenged him to actually do it, and to my amazement, he actually did it even with wasps circling around him! It turned out to be a good story, because he didn't get eaten up by the angry wasps, otherwise this story would be quite different.
Course 101 Analogies
Setting: Sister K was trying to explain to someone about the Christmas Tree analogy from Course 101...
Sister K: "Umm... so it's like we're trees that have been cut at the roots... and we are dead, but not really... well... umm... Actually, could I just talk like I'm a tree?"
Sister K: "Umm... so it's like we're trees that have been cut at the roots... and we are dead, but not really... well... umm... Actually, could I just talk like I'm a tree?"
Hurting: Austin Attraction
submitted by Bryan Song
Setting: Class of '09 brothers are visiting Gracepoint Austin and asking Pastor Manny what would be a good activity to do in Austin on Saturday.
Brother: So what should we do the rest of the afternoon here in Austin?
Pastor Manny: Since you guys are going to the Texas State history museum, I think it would be nice to also go to the LBJ library.
Brother: What? Lebron James has a library here in Austin!!? Awesome!!!
Setting: Class of '09 brothers are visiting Gracepoint Austin and asking Pastor Manny what would be a good activity to do in Austin on Saturday.
Brother: So what should we do the rest of the afternoon here in Austin?
Pastor Manny: Since you guys are going to the Texas State history museum, I think it would be nice to also go to the LBJ library.
Brother: What? Lebron James has a library here in Austin!!? Awesome!!!
English Patient: Sleeping In
English Patient: I love oversleeping!!!
Friend: Do you mean sleeping in?
English Patient: I don't know. Do I?
Friend: Do you mean sleeping in?
English Patient: I don't know. Do I?
Gracepoint Kids: Problematic Theology
Setting: Dad is talking to his 6 year old daughter.
Dad: Allison, how come every night you stay up so late and don’t go to sleep?
Allison: Because God made me like this.
Dad: Allison, how come every night you stay up so late and don’t go to sleep?
Allison: Because God made me like this.
English Patient: Cram
Someone sends out an email:
“Hello everyone, I just wanted to send you this study sheet to you all. In case you need to cramp today, just like me!”
“Hello everyone, I just wanted to send you this study sheet to you all. In case you need to cramp today, just like me!”
English Patient: Deportation
Friend: I heard that Brother X had some visa problems with the US Embassy.
Brother P: Oh no!!! Is he going to get exported?
Brother P: Oh no!!! Is he going to get exported?
English Patient: Sandwiches Can Give You Energy
submitted by Eileen
Setting: At a hike in Yosemite...
Brother H: Ooh!! I love PG&E sandwiches!
Setting: At a hike in Yosemite...
Brother H: Ooh!! I love PG&E sandwiches!
English Patient: U.S. History
Friend: What do you remember from U.S. history class in high school?
English Patient J: The Manifest Destination.
English Patient J: The Manifest Destination.
Hurting: Canned Chicken
One of the items on the shopping list was "canned chicken", and this is what a particular brother brought back.
English Patient: Recipe
Setting: During the food prep for Bible study, Brother L picks up the recipe for chipotle sauce.
Brother L: Hey!! Andrea! Is this your recipe for the sauce?
Andrea: No.
Brother L: But this recipe says: Andronico’s chipotle sauce…
Brother L: Hey!! Andrea! Is this your recipe for the sauce?
Andrea: No.
Brother L: But this recipe says: Andronico’s chipotle sauce…
Hurting: Half Dome
Setting: At TFN, people are sharing about what they saw which really impressed them.
Brother B: When I first saw Mt. Rushmore, I was really impressed. And also when I saw Mt. Doom.
Friend: (pause) Mt. Doom?
Brother B: You know, that mountain in Yosemite.
Brother C: Do you mean Half Dome?
Brother B: When I first saw Mt. Rushmore, I was really impressed. And also when I saw Mt. Doom.
Friend: (pause) Mt. Doom?
Brother B: You know, that mountain in Yosemite.
Brother C: Do you mean Half Dome?
Mat Jousting
There is a game that brothers play at Sierra Barn called "Mat Jousting", where you basically run at each other holding a mat and see who stands. During one of those moments, there was an epic moment which was captured in a video.
Betta Fish Followup
This happened in Gracepoint Austin, after a particular Brother T read a previous Disgracepoint post Experimental Fish.
Brother J: Wow,, look at the new post on Dis-Gracepoint. Sister A actually said this about the betta fish.
Brother T: Haha, ya...thats so funny...beta doesnt mean 'not real'. Gmail is still in beta and is very real.
Brother J: Wow,, look at the new post on Dis-Gracepoint. Sister A actually said this about the betta fish.
Brother T: Haha, ya...thats so funny...beta doesnt mean 'not real'. Gmail is still in beta and is very real.
Vision Problems
Sister Y Strikes Again.
Setting: Bunch of sisters are sitting around after dinner sharing foolish things that they did in the past.
Friend 1: Really? I said that to you? I can't believe that! Was that in my BC (Before Christ) days?
Friend 2: Nope, AC.
Friend 3: AC but NT.
Friend 2: What's that?
Friend 3: After Christ, but Not Transformed.
Friend 1: That's D-U-M-B.
Sister Y: What's that?
Friend 1: Really? I said that to you? I can't believe that! Was that in my BC (Before Christ) days?
Friend 2: Nope, AC.
Friend 3: AC but NT.
Friend 2: What's that?
Friend 3: After Christ, but Not Transformed.
Friend 1: That's D-U-M-B.
Sister Y: What's that?
Hurting: Church Cleaning
Setting: A ministry group is at our North Loop building on a particular Saturday night cleaning...
Friend: Hey... Brother M... what are you doing?
Brother M: I'm watering these indoor trees.
Friend: You know that those are fake, right?
Friend: Hey... Brother M... what are you doing?
Brother M: I'm watering these indoor trees.
Friend: You know that those are fake, right?
Experimental Fish
Sister C: Look at my new fish! It's a betta fish.
Sister A: Beta fish? So it's like...not a real fish yet?
Sister A: Beta fish? So it's like...not a real fish yet?
Summer schedule announcements
Hello disgracepoint readers,
One more announcement... During the summer, we are going to stretch out the posts by not posting on Saturdays or Sundays. Those days are low-viewing days, according to google analytics, so we're not going to post on those days during the summer, and then we'll start to post every odd day again starting fall.
In those days, you can visit the punwithgracepoint site!
One more announcement... During the summer, we are going to stretch out the posts by not posting on Saturdays or Sundays. Those days are low-viewing days, according to google analytics, so we're not going to post on those days during the summer, and then we'll start to post every odd day again starting fall.
In those days, you can visit the punwithgracepoint site!
Hello readers,
I am happy to announce that the Pun with Gracepoint has come back. There was a time when disgracepoint tried to do a takeover on the pun site by featuring our own puns, but we had realized how grave of a mistake that was.. not because those puns were horrible, but mostly because we had failed to realize how many of our loyal disgracepoint readers were English Patients, who were simply dumbfounded by these puns which they could not comprehend. So we had come up with an exit strategy.
Now, however, enough time has passed to allow the pain to heal, we are happy to announce to you the PunWithGracepoint site again, proudly standing independently from disgracepoint. We are proud of them, and although the exit strategy was abrupt and painful, we are happy that punwithgracepoint is alive and well, despite the fact that it still remains to be very unfriendly toward English Patients.
Check out their latest puns at: http://punwithgracepoint.blogspot.com/
I am happy to announce that the Pun with Gracepoint has come back. There was a time when disgracepoint tried to do a takeover on the pun site by featuring our own puns, but we had realized how grave of a mistake that was.. not because those puns were horrible, but mostly because we had failed to realize how many of our loyal disgracepoint readers were English Patients, who were simply dumbfounded by these puns which they could not comprehend. So we had come up with an exit strategy.
Now, however, enough time has passed to allow the pain to heal, we are happy to announce to you the PunWithGracepoint site again, proudly standing independently from disgracepoint. We are proud of them, and although the exit strategy was abrupt and painful, we are happy that punwithgracepoint is alive and well, despite the fact that it still remains to be very unfriendly toward English Patients.
Check out their latest puns at: http://punwithgracepoint.blogspot.com/
English Patient: Toy
Friend: You know that toy where you can interchange the parts? You can put on a mustache, or a nose, etc..English Patient J: Oh! Like the egg in Toy Story!
Friend: (pause) Do you mean Mr. Potato Head?
English Patient J: He wasn’t an egg?
Genius is a Relative Term
Brother A: When I go to Starbucks, I only drink half a cup.. I always get a Tall and throw half of it away.
Sister A: Why don't you just get a Short, then?
Brother A: ... Wow, that's genius.
Sister A: Why don't you just get a Short, then?
Brother A: ... Wow, that's genius.
Strange Lyrics
Setting: On the way back from the Starfield concert...
Sister S: Today, when I saw the lyrics "angels and men adore", I was really surprised, because all this time, I thought it was "angels and minotaurs"
Friend: (pause) And you never thought that was strange?
Sister S: No.
Sister S: Today, when I saw the lyrics "angels and men adore", I was really surprised, because all this time, I thought it was "angels and minotaurs"
Friend: (pause) And you never thought that was strange?
Sister S: No.
Father Abraham Had Many Sons…
Setting: A bunch of brothers are sitting around reviewing the portions of the Bible that they had read through, and a particular brother was having a hard time remembering.. So brother JC, wanting to give him an obvious hint, starts to sing the children’s song “Father Abraham had many sons…”
Brother JC: Father Abraham had many sons… many sons had Father Abraham… and I am one of them, and so are you… so let’s all praise the Lord…
Brother JK: Oh my gosh!!! That song was about Abraham in the Bible? I always thought that it was about Abraham Lincoln!
Brother JC: Father Abraham had many sons… many sons had Father Abraham… and I am one of them, and so are you… so let’s all praise the Lord…
Brother JK: Oh my gosh!!! That song was about Abraham in the Bible? I always thought that it was about Abraham Lincoln!
Conversations with a Personal Trainer
Setting: Brother B is talking with his personal trainer…
Trainer: All right… so let’s talk about your nutrition. What kinds of meats do you like?
Brother B: I like pork and beef.
Trainer: (concerned).. Well, do you like chicken?
Brother B: Oh yeah! I love KFC.
Trainer: (pause) Alright… let’s do lunges now.
Brother B: Okay, where?
Trainer: What??
Brother B: Where do you want to eat lunch?
Trainer: All right… so let’s talk about your nutrition. What kinds of meats do you like?
Brother B: I like pork and beef.
Trainer: (concerned).. Well, do you like chicken?
Brother B: Oh yeah! I love KFC.
Trainer: (pause) Alright… let’s do lunges now.
Brother B: Okay, where?
Trainer: What??
Brother B: Where do you want to eat lunch?
Gracepoint Magic Mountain Video
This is from one of our video vimeo site, but thought it was really funny, so just wanted to put it up here as well.
English Patient: Big Shot
For a Kobuilders Work Night, an English Patient walks up to the sister who is giving out work assignments and says, "Hey! BIG LADY!"
It is not clear to this day what this English Patient meant to say. Some say that it might have been an accidental combination of "Big Boss" or "Big Shot"...
It is not clear to this day what this English Patient meant to say. Some say that it might have been an accidental combination of "Big Boss" or "Big Shot"...
English Patient: Movie Titles
Brother B: Hey, I’m looking for the soundtrack for that movie that we saw last night… I think it was called Shang Dang Redemption.
Nature of Ice Cream
submitted by Tim Aucott
Brother S: Hey, why is this ice cream scooper so cold?
Friend: Because it was used to scoop ice cream.
Brother S: No, I mean it's really cold. Almost frozen. It's like it was in ice or something.
Friend: Yeah... it was used to scoop ice cream.
Brother S: Hey, why is this ice cream scooper so cold?
Friend: Because it was used to scoop ice cream.
Brother S: No, I mean it's really cold. Almost frozen. It's like it was in ice or something.
Friend: Yeah... it was used to scoop ice cream.
English Patient: Napkin
Brother M: Hey pass me that nafkin.
Friend: What did you say?
Brother M: Nafkin.
Friend: Dude, it’s napkin.
Brother M: You mean N-A-P-K-I-N.. like taking a nap?
Friend: Yeah.
Brother M: Ha ha ha ha!! You don’t know English!!
Friend: What did you say?
Brother M: Nafkin.
Friend: Dude, it’s napkin.
Brother M: You mean N-A-P-K-I-N.. like taking a nap?
Friend: Yeah.
Brother M: Ha ha ha ha!! You don’t know English!!
Unintentional Meaning: Hydration
Setting: Sister S from Gracepoint Austin is talking to Sister D about the importance of keeping hydrated. They are in the middle of a large group.
Sister S: Did you get enough to drink today? You don't drink enough water.
Sister D: Yes, I'm drinking Gatorade right now.
Sister S: (announces to the entire group) Hey everyone!! Whenever you're with Sister D, you need to make sure she's drunk!"
Sister S: Did you get enough to drink today? You don't drink enough water.
Sister D: Yes, I'm drinking Gatorade right now.
Sister S: (announces to the entire group) Hey everyone!! Whenever you're with Sister D, you need to make sure she's drunk!"
Geography Patient
submitted by Robert Kim
Friend: I'm doing this crossword puzzle, and the hint is: the city of Taj Mahal
Geography Patient: Moscow!!
Friend: I'm doing this crossword puzzle, and the hint is: the city of Taj Mahal
Geography Patient: Moscow!!
English Patient Praise Lyrics
submitted by Jenn Chen
Setting: While listening to a song by Casting Crowns.. the singer sings, "Empty hands held high... such small sacrifice.."
English Patient: What's Szechuan sacrifice?
Setting: While listening to a song by Casting Crowns.. the singer sings, "Empty hands held high... such small sacrifice.."
English Patient: What's Szechuan sacrifice?
Online Chat
submitted by Irene Yen
I: Hey K, you still there?
I: Hellooooo?
I: Did you fall sleep at work again?
<5 minutes later>
K: No.
K: I never sleep
K: at work
K: for a long time.
I: Hey K, you still there?
I: Hellooooo?
I: Did you fall sleep at work again?
<5 minutes later>
K: No.
K: I never sleep
K: at work
K: for a long time.
English Patient: So Clean!
submitted by Allen Chen
After cleaning the kitchen floor, English Patient Brother K proudly says,
"Man! This floor is so clean that you can cook an egg on it!!"
After cleaning the kitchen floor, English Patient Brother K proudly says,
"Man! This floor is so clean that you can cook an egg on it!!"
English Patient: Convenience Stores
Brother J: Hey, you know, the coffee they sell at the convenience store is pretty good!
Friend: Which one? 7-Eleven?
Brother J: No, Amazing PM!
Friend: Huh? I think you mean AM PM
Brother J: Oh yeah.. Why is it called AM PM anyway? What does that mean?
Friend: Which one? 7-Eleven?
Brother J: No, Amazing PM!
Friend: Huh? I think you mean AM PM
Brother J: Oh yeah.. Why is it called AM PM anyway? What does that mean?
English Patient: Mallet
Sister S: Oh my gosh, your bag is so heavy! It's like that hammer weapon! Like a mullet!
Sister E: Umm...
Sister S: (pause) Oh, I meant it's like a mollusk.
Sister E: Umm...
Sister S: (pause) Oh, I meant it's like a mollusk.
Miscommunication Party
Setting: A brother is taking out his pickles from his sandwich, because he doesn't like them.
Sister M: Can I have your pickles?
Sister S: What? He has pitbulls?
Sister M: I said pickles!! Ha ha, that's funny! You thought I said pimples!
Sister S: What?
Sister M: That's you said, pimples!
Sister S: No! You said pitbulls!
(at this point, the brother slowly gets up and moves away from these crazed sisters)
Sister M: Can I have your pickles?
Sister S: What? He has pitbulls?
Sister M: I said pickles!! Ha ha, that's funny! You thought I said pimples!
Sister S: What?
Sister M: That's you said, pimples!
Sister S: No! You said pitbulls!
(at this point, the brother slowly gets up and moves away from these crazed sisters)
Intelligent Design
submitted by Maurice Chung of Gracepoint Austin, who took this picture when William Dembski visited Gracepoint Berkeley. This is too much!
Hurting Interviews: Monster
Setting: When Brother M was interviewing for a job
Interviewer: So what 3 words would describe you?
Brother M: Umm.. hard-working.. naive... and.. monster.
Interviewer: Naive? Monster??
Brother M: Yeah. Monster.
Interviewer: Can you explain why "monster" would describe you?
Brother M: Because when I'm on the basketball court, I'm a MONSTER!!
(note: Brother M was offered a job from this company)
Interviewer: So what 3 words would describe you?
Brother M: Umm.. hard-working.. naive... and.. monster.
Interviewer: Naive? Monster??
Brother M: Yeah. Monster.
Interviewer: Can you explain why "monster" would describe you?
Brother M: Because when I'm on the basketball court, I'm a MONSTER!!
(note: Brother M was offered a job from this company)
Spanish Patient: Salsa
Setting: At Safeway
Sister Y: Hi, I’m looking for the Cinco de Mayo salsa. Do you know where they are?
Sister Y: Hi, I’m looking for the Cinco de Mayo salsa. Do you know where they are?
Unintended Meaning: Break it Down
Setting: A bunch of staff are gathered together at Gracepoint Austin to plan for an event, and they start to feel overwhelmed and stressed out about all the logistics that they need to take care of.
Staff: Oh my gosh! That's a lot of stuff that we need to think about!
Sister S: Okay, everyone. Calm down, and let's think about the steps one at a time and have a mental breakdown.
Note to all English Patients: There's a big difference between "mentally breaking it down" and a "mental breakdown". Don't ask me why. That's just how weird English is.
Staff: Oh my gosh! That's a lot of stuff that we need to think about!
Sister S: Okay, everyone. Calm down, and let's think about the steps one at a time and have a mental breakdown.
Note to all English Patients: There's a big difference between "mentally breaking it down" and a "mental breakdown". Don't ask me why. That's just how weird English is.
Cultural Patient Games
Setting: A bunch of people of a2f are playing CatchPhrase..
Friend: Oh, you see this during Valentines!
Cultural Patient Brother J: Easter Bunny!!!
Friend: Oh, you see this during Valentines!
Cultural Patient Brother J: Easter Bunny!!!
English Patient Charades: Hem
English Patient Brother J was playing Guesstures, and the word that he had to act out was "hem". At that point, Brother J started to walk around the room, head bopping, acting like a chicken.
English Patient: Tone Deaf
Game Master: Please write 3 true things about yourself.
English Patient Sister H: I am tone death.
English Patient Sister H: I am tone death.
More Stories Needed!
Hello disgracepoint readers!
Please submit more stories and pictures. We are at an all-time low for material. Please email them to me at daniel[dot]kim[(at)]gpmail[dot]org
Please submit more stories and pictures. We are at an all-time low for material. Please email them to me at daniel[dot]kim[(at)]gpmail[dot]org
Vote for Your Favorite Caption
Please vote (on the right) for your favorite caption for this demotivator picture.
Police Cars
Setting: Two friends are driving down Oak Street in Alameda.
Sister J: Oh my gosh, have you noticed that red building? There are always so many police cars right around that building. I would hate to work in that building.
Sister L: That’s because it’s the police station.
Sister J: Oh my gosh, have you noticed that red building? There are always so many police cars right around that building. I would hate to work in that building.
Sister L: That’s because it’s the police station.
Hurting: Nice Flowers!
Setting: Brother T and Sister L were visiting a house of our church brothers, called the Pink House in Alameda. (The house color is pink, and the name simply stuck, despite valiant attempts by the resident brothers to try to change the name)
Brother T: Hey, nice deck! I like the grill!
Pink House Resident: I know, right?
Sister L: I like the flowers!
Pink House Resident: We have flowers? I didn't know that. I only knew about the grill.
NOTE: Do you think the particular Pink House Resident really didn't notice the flowers? Or do you think he was pretending out of insecurity, since his house's name is, after all, Pink House?
Brother T: Hey, nice deck! I like the grill!
Pink House Resident: I know, right?
Sister L: I like the flowers!
Pink House Resident: We have flowers? I didn't know that. I only knew about the grill.
NOTE: Do you think the particular Pink House Resident really didn't notice the flowers? Or do you think he was pretending out of insecurity, since his house's name is, after all, Pink House?
Shrink Wrap
While helping someone move one day, Brother B says, "Hey, do we have any more of the shrimp wrap?"
English Patient: Have You Seen Him?
Student: By the way, where’s Brother C? I haven’t seen him lately.
English Patient J: Yeah, he’s out of sight.
Student: [silence]
English Patient J: Oh, I meant he’s nowhere to be seen.
Student: [still confused]
English Patient J: No, what I meant was that he’s invisible.
English Patient J: Yeah, he’s out of sight.
Student: [silence]
English Patient J: Oh, I meant he’s nowhere to be seen.
Student: [still confused]
English Patient J: No, what I meant was that he’s invisible.
Brain Damage
Submitted by Brother J himself, who tells the story about what happened to him.
I started working as a research assistant at a Neurology lab at UCSF, and one of the things I have to do is to administer this screening test to see if patients have MCI, or mild cognitive impairment, which is usually prevalent in older adults and it's a sign that the person's brain might be degenerating. As part of the training, I myself had to undergo this test too to see how it is administered as well as administering it to another person. Before taking the test, the post doc told me in a serious/joking tone that because I'm very young, I should be able to answer all the questions on the test, and if I have problem answering some of the easy questions on the test, I might have MCI. I started laughing because I knew he was joking, but inside I was kind of nervous too because what if I do have brain problem? My memory isn't that good! So we began the test, and the first couple of questions were really easy, like what is your name? What is today's date...etc, but when we got to what county we were in, I got kind of nervous because I didn't know which county San Francisco belongs to. And then he asked me what season it is right now, and I wasn't sure if it was still winter or if it was spring already, so I said I think it might be still winter, but it might be spring too because it's spring semester at Berkeley, haha. And I saw him staring at me kind of weird and concerned and wrote down something in his notebook, so I felt kind of embarrassed and nervous about what I had just said. Then he asked me to spell the word "world" backwards. I think because at that point I had lost all confidence in myself for not knowing the county of San Francisco and the season, I couldn't spell "world" backwards for like 30 seconds. I kept saying "d-l-o," oh shoot, "w-o-r-l-d" so it's "d-l-r," oh no i forgot again...etc. And during this process, he just kept staring at me with concern as if I had brain damage, so after that question I assured him that I don't have a brain problem, or at least I don't think so.
I started working as a research assistant at a Neurology lab at UCSF, and one of the things I have to do is to administer this screening test to see if patients have MCI, or mild cognitive impairment, which is usually prevalent in older adults and it's a sign that the person's brain might be degenerating. As part of the training, I myself had to undergo this test too to see how it is administered as well as administering it to another person. Before taking the test, the post doc told me in a serious/joking tone that because I'm very young, I should be able to answer all the questions on the test, and if I have problem answering some of the easy questions on the test, I might have MCI. I started laughing because I knew he was joking, but inside I was kind of nervous too because what if I do have brain problem? My memory isn't that good! So we began the test, and the first couple of questions were really easy, like what is your name? What is today's date...etc, but when we got to what county we were in, I got kind of nervous because I didn't know which county San Francisco belongs to. And then he asked me what season it is right now, and I wasn't sure if it was still winter or if it was spring already, so I said I think it might be still winter, but it might be spring too because it's spring semester at Berkeley, haha. And I saw him staring at me kind of weird and concerned and wrote down something in his notebook, so I felt kind of embarrassed and nervous about what I had just said. Then he asked me to spell the word "world" backwards. I think because at that point I had lost all confidence in myself for not knowing the county of San Francisco and the season, I couldn't spell "world" backwards for like 30 seconds. I kept saying "d-l-o," oh shoot, "w-o-r-l-d" so it's "d-l-r," oh no i forgot again...etc. And during this process, he just kept staring at me with concern as if I had brain damage, so after that question I assured him that I don't have a brain problem, or at least I don't think so.
Being Stubborn
Submitted by Brother B. This story demonstrates powerfully why we shouldn't be stubborn.
Last semester, I was short one unit so I signed up for a DeCal called Chinese Dance. My roommate E kept warning me, "Don't go, don't go." But I stubbornly replied, "I need the units or I'll drop out of college!" So I went to the first class expecting some kind of dancing, until I saw the instructors, both girls, stretching by doing the splits. As I waited in the room, I saw some girls come in, and then some more girls come in, and I began to suspect that Chinese dance was meant for women but I was determined to stay in the class no matter what to get my one unit. I kept hoping that a guy will show up, but none ever did, and I realized that Chinese dance really was meant for women, but I was determined to get my one unit no matter what.
The instructors proceeded to lead the class through the most awkward and humiliating stretches that I shudder to recall, but I forced myself to think happy thoughts. Next, the instructors sat us down and told us that we would be performing the dances we will learn onstage in Hertz Hall, but my heart was hardened and I ignored the warning. Then the instructors demonstrated exactly what kind of dancing we would be doing. They each took a red fan and a red hankerchief and showed us exactly why Chinese dance was not meant for men. I began to turn red and sweat, but even still I shut my eyes and thought happy thoughts.
Then came the last straw. The instructors took out two boxes, one with fans and the other with hankerchiefs, and told us to pick up one of each. I didn't care about my oen unit anymore. I was thoroughly humiliated; I had no more happy thoughts left; and I was drenched in cold sweat. I was shivering as I walked out of the room as calmly as I could back to my apartment. I said to my roommate, "You were right."
Last semester, I was short one unit so I signed up for a DeCal called Chinese Dance. My roommate E kept warning me, "Don't go, don't go." But I stubbornly replied, "I need the units or I'll drop out of college!" So I went to the first class expecting some kind of dancing, until I saw the instructors, both girls, stretching by doing the splits. As I waited in the room, I saw some girls come in, and then some more girls come in, and I began to suspect that Chinese dance was meant for women but I was determined to stay in the class no matter what to get my one unit. I kept hoping that a guy will show up, but none ever did, and I realized that Chinese dance really was meant for women, but I was determined to get my one unit no matter what.
The instructors proceeded to lead the class through the most awkward and humiliating stretches that I shudder to recall, but I forced myself to think happy thoughts. Next, the instructors sat us down and told us that we would be performing the dances we will learn onstage in Hertz Hall, but my heart was hardened and I ignored the warning. Then the instructors demonstrated exactly what kind of dancing we would be doing. They each took a red fan and a red hankerchief and showed us exactly why Chinese dance was not meant for men. I began to turn red and sweat, but even still I shut my eyes and thought happy thoughts.
Then came the last straw. The instructors took out two boxes, one with fans and the other with hankerchiefs, and told us to pick up one of each. I didn't care about my oen unit anymore. I was thoroughly humiliated; I had no more happy thoughts left; and I was drenched in cold sweat. I was shivering as I walked out of the room as calmly as I could back to my apartment. I said to my roommate, "You were right."
Gracepoint Kids: Trial and Error
Justin: How old are you uncle Dan?
D: Why don't you try to guess?
Justin: Uh ok... 26?
D: Haha not quite, try again
Justin: 27?
D: Nope, younger
Justin: 25?
D: Nope
Justin: 24?
D: Nope
Justin: 23?
D: Nope
Justin: 22?
D: Nope
Justin: 21?
D: Nope
Justin: (pause) 12?
D: No, higher than that
Justin: 13?
D: Higher
Justin: 14?
D: Higher
Justin: 15?
D: Higher
Justin: 16?
D: Higher
Justin: 17?
D: Higher
Justin: ... Can you give me a hint?
D: Justin you're so close!
Justin: 18?
D: Higher
Justin: 19?
D: Higher
Justin: 20?
D: There you go. How did you guess?
(At this point, Dan's peers tell me Dan was liable to give Justin a lecture about the value of binary searches)
D: Why don't you try to guess?
Justin: Uh ok... 26?
D: Haha not quite, try again
Justin: 27?
D: Nope, younger
Justin: 25?
D: Nope
Justin: 24?
D: Nope
Justin: 23?
D: Nope
Justin: 22?
D: Nope
Justin: 21?
D: Nope
Justin: (pause) 12?
D: No, higher than that
Justin: 13?
D: Higher
Justin: 14?
D: Higher
Justin: 15?
D: Higher
Justin: 16?
D: Higher
Justin: 17?
D: Higher
Justin: ... Can you give me a hint?
D: Justin you're so close!
Justin: 18?
D: Higher
Justin: 19?
D: Higher
Justin: 20?
D: There you go. How did you guess?
(At this point, Dan's peers tell me Dan was liable to give Justin a lecture about the value of binary searches)
Demotivator Contest
Please provide a caption for this picture.
NOTE: The keys were inside the room.
Maybe the picture itself isn't clear enough for a demotivator without the above factual detail, but I still have hope in the wrongness prowess of disgracepoint readers.
NOTE: The keys were inside the room.
Maybe the picture itself isn't clear enough for a demotivator without the above factual detail, but I still have hope in the wrongness prowess of disgracepoint readers.
Christian Apologetics
Setting: A youth student and his teacher is having a chat about our InterHigh Monthly.
Teacher: Do you know what InterHigh Monthly is?
Student: Worldview and apologetics
Teacher: That's right. Do you know what the topic is?
Student: No
Teacher: "Does God Exist?"
Student: Yes!
Teacher: No, that's the topic!
Student: Doh!
Teacher: Do you know what InterHigh Monthly is?
Student: Worldview and apologetics
Teacher: That's right. Do you know what the topic is?
Student: No
Teacher: "Does God Exist?"
Student: Yes!
Teacher: No, that's the topic!
Student: Doh!
InterHigh Counting
Setting: A youth student and his teacher are talking about InterHigh Monthly.
Teacher: How many of your friends are coming to our next InterHigh Monthly?
Student: There's so many I can't count.
Teacher: Oh wow.. but I need to know, so that I can arrange for rides.
Student: Oh, ok... (pause) Two.
Teacher: (pause) Is that two including you?
Student: Yeah.. no wait, no. It's me, my friend J, my friend R and one other guy.
Teacher: ... So that's 4.
Student: It is?
Teacher: How many of your friends are coming to our next InterHigh Monthly?
Student: There's so many I can't count.
Teacher: Oh wow.. but I need to know, so that I can arrange for rides.
Student: Oh, ok... (pause) Two.
Teacher: (pause) Is that two including you?
Student: Yeah.. no wait, no. It's me, my friend J, my friend R and one other guy.
Teacher: ... So that's 4.
Student: It is?
Absalom, Absalom
Friend: Oh man, I forget... what was that guy in the Bible? King David's son... who had long hair and ended up getting killed because his hair got caught in the tree or something?
Brother M: Oh I know! It's Aragorn!
Brother M: Oh I know! It's Aragorn!
My Spiritual Life
Friend: Hey, do you know how his spiritual life is going?
Hurting Guy: Oh, yeah. He just finished.
(Later, it was revealed that he meant to say that he just finished reading a Christian book, but he couldn't get that last bit in, because people around him were laughing)
Hurting Guy: Oh, yeah. He just finished.
(Later, it was revealed that he meant to say that he just finished reading a Christian book, but he couldn't get that last bit in, because people around him were laughing)
Foreign Student
Friend: So, which airport is he flying into?
Brother W: He's flying into UFO.
English Patients: Vision Killer
submitted by Yanhui
Setting: Sister YZ and Sister YY and Sister R, all of them English Patients to different degrees, are excitedly talking about their vision to do something together in China in front of Sarah, an English major.
Sister YZ: Yeah, we should build a school in the rural areas of China for kids from elementary grade level to high school.
Sister YY: Oh that would be so great! We can train the students to take the SAT and maybe they can come to the colleges in America, near our church plants!
Sister YZ: Yeah, you can teach Chemistry, and Sister R can teach Math and Physics!
Sister R: They will do really well on the SAT!
Sarah: But who's going to teach English?
[Silence]
Setting: Sister YZ and Sister YY and Sister R, all of them English Patients to different degrees, are excitedly talking about their vision to do something together in China in front of Sarah, an English major.
Sister YZ: Yeah, we should build a school in the rural areas of China for kids from elementary grade level to high school.
Sister YY: Oh that would be so great! We can train the students to take the SAT and maybe they can come to the colleges in America, near our church plants!
Sister YZ: Yeah, you can teach Chemistry, and Sister R can teach Math and Physics!
Sister R: They will do really well on the SAT!
Sarah: But who's going to teach English?
[Silence]
Hurting: Why Socks Fall Apart
Friend: Hey, how come your socks are on the living room floor?
J: Oh, oops.
Friend: Sick! Why did you leave your socks behind?
J: Oh, they just come off. I think it's because I put those in the washing machine.
Friend: ???
(At this point, J's friends started to wonder what J does with her other socks)
J: Oh, oops.
Friend: Sick! Why did you leave your socks behind?
J: Oh, they just come off. I think it's because I put those in the washing machine.
Friend: ???
(At this point, J's friends started to wonder what J does with her other socks)
English Patient: Ointment
Setting: Brother D was telling Brother M (English Patient) about a surgical glue that looks like new skin.
Brother D: It’s called New Skin, I think.
Brother M: So it’s an ailment?
Brother D: [silence] Do you.. mean ointment?
Brother D: It’s called New Skin, I think.
Brother M: So it’s an ailment?
Brother D: [silence] Do you.. mean ointment?
Musical Tastes
Brother D: Hey M, what kind of music do you like?
Brother M: I like violent music.
Brother D: [silence]… You mean like metal?
Brother M: No, I mean violent music.
Brother D: Oh… wait, do you mean violin music?
Brother M: That’s what I said. Violent music.
Brother M: I like violent music.
Brother D: [silence]… You mean like metal?
Brother M: No, I mean violent music.
Brother D: Oh… wait, do you mean violin music?
Brother M: That’s what I said. Violent music.
The Eighth Wonder of the World
Brother B: Hey, do you know what the 7 wonders of the world are?
Brother M: I think the pyramids in Egypt and the Great Wall of China, but I don't know the rest.
Brother B: I think also Taj Mahal. Oh, and Tiramisu!
Brother M: What? Tiramisu is a dessert.
Brother B: You know, that place in Peru.
Brother M: Oh, you mean Machu Picchu!
Brother B: I can't believe I just said that. I was thinking of the kind of cake I wanted to eat.
Brother M: I think the pyramids in Egypt and the Great Wall of China, but I don't know the rest.
Brother B: I think also Taj Mahal. Oh, and Tiramisu!
Brother M: What? Tiramisu is a dessert.
Brother B: You know, that place in Peru.
Brother M: Oh, you mean Machu Picchu!
Brother B: I can't believe I just said that. I was thinking of the kind of cake I wanted to eat.
English Patient: Cleaning Solution
Brother M: Hey guys! Let’s clean up! Give me that 637!
What's amazing about this is that every single digit was wrong.
What's amazing about this is that every single digit was wrong.
Insurance Companies as Pets
Brother B: "Did you know J's dad raises Geicos as pets?"Brother M: "You mean geckos?"
English Patient: H1 Work Visa
submitted by Gina Han
Setting: Sister J is celebrating and hugging sister D, who just got confirmation that her boss will sponsor her for the H1 work visa, so that she can stay in the US.
Sister J: Oh my gosh!!! That's so wonderful! Can you believe it, Gina?? Her company is going to give her the H1N1!!!!
Setting: Sister J is celebrating and hugging sister D, who just got confirmation that her boss will sponsor her for the H1 work visa, so that she can stay in the US.
Sister J: Oh my gosh!!! That's so wonderful! Can you believe it, Gina?? Her company is going to give her the H1N1!!!!
Running Out of Firewood
Setting: A group of people are talking about Sierra Lodge, discussing whether or not to bring up more firewood…
Brother: Yeah… I’m not sure if we have any more wood up in Sierra Lodge.
Sue Yi: What?? We ran out of trees at Sierra Lodge?
Brother: Yeah… I’m not sure if we have any more wood up in Sierra Lodge.
Sue Yi: What?? We ran out of trees at Sierra Lodge?
Confusing Slangs
“Oh, so you wanted to catch up with those guys too?? Hey, why don’t we all meet up together? That way, we can use many birds to shoot one stone.”
Hurting: Chance
Setting: Brothers taking a class together. They get back their midterms back.
Friend: Oh no!! Your scantron is filled with red marks… That’s painful, man! I think you did worse than chance!
Unnamed Brother: Yeah, that’s really painful… [pause] By the way… who is Chance?
Friend: Oh no!! Your scantron is filled with red marks… That’s painful, man! I think you did worse than chance!
Unnamed Brother: Yeah, that’s really painful… [pause] By the way… who is Chance?
Bible Study Faux Pas
submitted by Jenn Chen
Brother M: “Good evening, everyone. Today, I’ll be teaching from the last book of the Bible, Genesis.”
Brother M: “Good evening, everyone. Today, I’ll be teaching from the last book of the Bible, Genesis.”
English Patient: Peace of Mind
Husband: Is that my phone ringing? I don’t want to miss a call.
Wife: Here, I got the phone for you.. so that you can have a piece of your mind.
Wife: Here, I got the phone for you.. so that you can have a piece of your mind.
Disgracepoint Classic: Demotivator
Here's an old disgracepoint demotivator that deserves another mention... Thanks for providing these clever captions!
http://www.disgracepointonline.org/2008/12/demotivator-contest-winners.html
http://www.disgracepointonline.org/2008/12/demotivator-contest-winners.html
English Patient Teacher
Setting: English Patient G is giving a lesson to a bunch of first-graders on animal body parts with a picture of a cow.
English Patient G: So these are the legs. And here, this is the tail. And here, these two things that stick out of the cow’s head.. they are called hooves.
1st Grader: (raises hand)
English Patient G: Yes?
1st Grader: Umm… I don’t think those are hooves…
English Patient G: What do you mean? What are they called, then?
1st Grader: I don’t remember what they are called, but they are not hooves.
English Patient G: What are hooves, then?
1st Grader: I’m not sure. But those things on the head.. I don’t think they are hooves.
English Patient G: Yes they are.
1st Grader: Okay.
English Patient G: So these are the legs. And here, this is the tail. And here, these two things that stick out of the cow’s head.. they are called hooves.
1st Grader: (raises hand)
English Patient G: Yes?
1st Grader: Umm… I don’t think those are hooves…
English Patient G: What do you mean? What are they called, then?
1st Grader: I don’t remember what they are called, but they are not hooves.
English Patient G: What are hooves, then?
1st Grader: I’m not sure. But those things on the head.. I don’t think they are hooves.
English Patient G: Yes they are.
1st Grader: Okay.
The Lone Star Country
A particular sister looks at this hanging from a wall at North Loop and asks, “What is that? Is that a map of Taiwan?”
Demotivators from TC
Here are some demotivators that were submitted to disgracepoint... If you can think of other captions, please comment.
English Patient: IMAX movie
Sister Y: Hey, I just watched that movie in 3D.
Sister R: Was it IMAX?
Sister Y: Yes, that's what I said. I watched it with that eyemask thing.
Sister R: Was it IMAX?
Sister Y: Yes, that's what I said. I watched it with that eyemask thing.
Spanish Patient: The Man
Friend: You are the man!! In Mexico, you would be called "El Hombre."
Brother P: "El hombre..." Is that Chinese?
Brother P: "El hombre..." Is that Chinese?
English Patient: Hidden Strength
English Patient Y: I think Sister A's personality is actually very strong, but not many people realize it. I think it's heathen strength.
English Patient: Bible Characters
Sister H: I was reading about rehab during my Bible reading.
Sister I: Do you mean Rahab?
Sister I: Do you mean Rahab?
I Didn't Know That
Setting: A bunch of brothers are sitting at Starbucks during Christmas, and the music playing is "Little Drummer Boy".
Brother B: Hey I'm actually listening to this song lyrics for the first time, and I never realized.. this song is about Jesus!
Brother J: What?? Jesus wrote this song?
Brother B: Hey I'm actually listening to this song lyrics for the first time, and I never realized.. this song is about Jesus!
Brother J: What?? Jesus wrote this song?
English Patient: Basinet
Sister G: You know, I wanted to ask you... Since I'm about to have a baby, I was wondering if you had an old bayonet that I could have.
Brother Monk
A particular man in our midst, who will remain anonymous (the identity of this man is to remain strictly confidential, as evidenced by the effort put into protecting his identity in the photo), walked into Berkel Berkel, which is a Korean restaurant on Telegraph Ave. in Berkeley.After sitting down, he ordered Bulgogi, which is a common Korean BBQ beef dish. What he didn't know was that the owner of Berkel Berkel was a Buddhist. After ordering, the owner came out to this particular brother and said with a disturbed look on his face:
"Ummm... should you be ordering this? I'm not sure if I feel okay about selling meat to a..."
Brother D quickly realized what was happening and said, "Oh, I'm not a monk."
The owner's eyes widened, and he tried to quickly recover, "Oh... is that so? Wow, I just thought that since your face looked so peaceful, you must have been... Well, then, enjoy."
I'm not really sure about the owner's logic... First of all, if your Buddhist convictions are bothered by someone eating meat, why are you selling meat in the first place? Second, I highly doubt that the owner made his judgment by looking at how peaceful this particular brother's face looked.
Common Sense Patient: Common Sense Biology
Friend1: Did you know that ostrich eggs are the biggest eggs on earth?
Common Sense Patient: No way! Bigger than elephants'?
Common Sense Patient: No way! Bigger than elephants'?
English Patient: Love and Marriage
Sister Y: [pointing to a broom during Sunday setup] What is this thing called in English?
Friend: That's a broom.
Sister Y: You mean like what brides get married to?
Friend: Oh my gosh!! That's "groom", not "broom"!
Sister Y: [trying to recover] Oh, well, I thought bride and broom made sense because I thought husbands are supposed to sweep the house after they get married.
Friend: That's a broom.
Sister Y: You mean like what brides get married to?
Friend: Oh my gosh!! That's "groom", not "broom"!
Sister Y: [trying to recover] Oh, well, I thought bride and broom made sense because I thought husbands are supposed to sweep the house after they get married.
Happy Birthday
A story of how a group of peer brothers celebrated one of their own's birthday...
A particular brother emails his peers from Taiwan to remind them that it's Brother K's 30th birthday. So they plan to have a nice breakfast on Saturday morning. Even though he's really busy, Brother R stays up all night to make a nice frame celebrating his 30th. On Saturday morning, they get together and this is the conversation that they had.
Brother R: Okay, I guess we're waiting for Brother K... Wow, big 30.
Brother D: Actually... it's not his 30th. It's actually his 29th birthday.
Brother R: What?? Are you serious? How long did you know about this?
Brother D: Since I got the email, I knew that it wasn't his 30th.
Brother R: I can't believe you didn't tell us. I made the frame and everything! Well, I guess we can just explain to him why the words on the frame are wrong. How come he's not here?
Brother W: Actually, he's not around. He went down to San Jose.
Brother R: What??
Brother W: Yeah.
Brother R: And you knew about this?
Brother D: How come you didn't tell us?
Brother W: [silence] Let's just have breakfast.
A particular brother emails his peers from Taiwan to remind them that it's Brother K's 30th birthday. So they plan to have a nice breakfast on Saturday morning. Even though he's really busy, Brother R stays up all night to make a nice frame celebrating his 30th. On Saturday morning, they get together and this is the conversation that they had.
Brother R: Okay, I guess we're waiting for Brother K... Wow, big 30.
Brother D: Actually... it's not his 30th. It's actually his 29th birthday.
Brother R: What?? Are you serious? How long did you know about this?
Brother D: Since I got the email, I knew that it wasn't his 30th.
Brother R: I can't believe you didn't tell us. I made the frame and everything! Well, I guess we can just explain to him why the words on the frame are wrong. How come he's not here?
Brother W: Actually, he's not around. He went down to San Jose.
Brother R: What??
Brother W: Yeah.
Brother R: And you knew about this?
Brother D: How come you didn't tell us?
Brother W: [silence] Let's just have breakfast.
English Patient: Common Suns
submitted by Yumi
Setting: Sister Y and Yumi are ironing the welcome team shirts at North Loop.
Sister Y: Okay, so should we go for the matte finish or the Satan-y finish?
Yumi: Satan? You mean satiny?
Sister Y: Oh my gosh! Yeah. That's what I meant! (laugh) How come I make all these English mistakes?
Yumi: That's okay.
Sister Y: Yumi, I want to make suns when I talk. I want to make suns!
Setting: Sister Y and Yumi are ironing the welcome team shirts at North Loop.
Sister Y: Okay, so should we go for the matte finish or the Satan-y finish?
Yumi: Satan? You mean satiny?
Sister Y: Oh my gosh! Yeah. That's what I meant! (laugh) How come I make all these English mistakes?
Yumi: That's okay.
Sister Y: Yumi, I want to make suns when I talk. I want to make suns!
English Patient: A Cure-All Medicine
Friend: Hey, when you get sick, you should have warm soup.
English Patient Sister C: When you get a cold, you should drink euthanasia tea.
Friend: (pause) Do you mean Echinacea tea? (pause) I mean, I guess euthanasia tea would also put an end to the sickness...
English Patient Sister C: When you get a cold, you should drink euthanasia tea.
Friend: (pause) Do you mean Echinacea tea? (pause) I mean, I guess euthanasia tea would also put an end to the sickness...
Athletes
Setting: A bunch of people are talking about professional athletes and what future they have as their bodies age.
Friend1: So sad, their career is over at age 30 or something.
Friend2: Well, George Foreman did okay. He has a business and everything.
Friend1: That’s true.
Sister E: (confused) Yeah… But I thought we were talking about athletes. Why are we talking about a grill-maker?
Friend1: So sad, their career is over at age 30 or something.
Friend2: Well, George Foreman did okay. He has a business and everything.
Friend1: That’s true.
Sister E: (confused) Yeah… But I thought we were talking about athletes. Why are we talking about a grill-maker?
English Patient: Word Order
Sister C: Did you know that she drank fresh milk in her hometown? Isn't that kind of gross?
Sister: So they actually had a cow??
Sister C: Yeah! Yeah! They cowed the milk!
Sister: So they actually had a cow??
Sister C: Yeah! Yeah! They cowed the milk!
New Potato Chips Flavor
submitted by Annie Kim
Setting: Sister A and Sister W were talking about different flavors of chips. Sister W's favorite flavor was Caesar Salad flavor.
Instead, Sister W says, "Oh!! I really really like the Cesar Chavez flavor"
Setting: Sister A and Sister W were talking about different flavors of chips. Sister W's favorite flavor was Caesar Salad flavor.
Instead, Sister W says, "Oh!! I really really like the Cesar Chavez flavor"
Fill Them Both
Brother D: Okay, what can I do with these two water jugs?
Friend: Fill them both.
Brother D: Okay.
(A few minutes later, Brother D shows up to Phil and Bo’s house with two empty water jugs.)
Friend: Fill them both.
Brother D: Okay.
(A few minutes later, Brother D shows up to Phil and Bo’s house with two empty water jugs.)
Unhappy Hour
One Tuesday night before prayer meeting, Brother M and Brother K are ordering food at Sun Hong Kong during their all-popular Happy Hour. When Brother M requests beef chow fun, the waiter explains that they've run out of this particular dish.
Brother M: In that case, can I have 'ho fun'?
Waiter (irritated): NO FUN! NO FUN!
At the moment this waiter said that, Brother M did not realize that "fun" meant rice noodles.
Brother M: In that case, can I have 'ho fun'?
Waiter (irritated): NO FUN! NO FUN!
At the moment this waiter said that, Brother M did not realize that "fun" meant rice noodles.
Disgracepoint Classic Demotivator
Here's an old demotivator contest that needed to be appreciated again..
http://www.disgracepointonline.org/2008/07/dis-gracepoint-fellowship-gold-winner.html
http://www.disgracepointonline.org/2008/07/dis-gracepoint-fellowship-gold-winner.html
Princess
Setting: 5-year-old Michelle makes this speech in front of her family members.
Michelle: Mommy! You are a princess!
Mom: Wow, really?
Michelle: Daddy! You’re a prince!
Dad: Okay.
Michelle: Grandma, you’re the cook!
Grandma: ??
Michelle: Elise (her older sister), you’re the servant!
Elise: What??
Michelle: And everyone!! Everyone needs to listen to me, because I’m the queen!!
English Patient: Borrowing Money
English Patient Sister C: Oh, I forgot to bring money. Can I smooch off you?
Matching Colors
submitted by Yumi
Yumi walks into the Y one day and is greeted by Brother B. As she walks by him, B stops Yumi and asks with a smile, "Hey Yumi, you really like brown, don't you?"
After looking at herself and realizing that she was wearing brown sweatshirt and green pants, she answers, "Yah, I guess so."
"You're the only person I know who wears brown head-to-toe," said B.
"Oh my gosh, you're color-blind! I'm wearing green pants!" Yumi exclaimed.
What's seems amazing to me is not the severity of Brother B's color-blindness, but the fact that he says stuff like this.
Yumi walks into the Y one day and is greeted by Brother B. As she walks by him, B stops Yumi and asks with a smile, "Hey Yumi, you really like brown, don't you?"
After looking at herself and realizing that she was wearing brown sweatshirt and green pants, she answers, "Yah, I guess so."
"You're the only person I know who wears brown head-to-toe," said B.
"Oh my gosh, you're color-blind! I'm wearing green pants!" Yumi exclaimed.
What's seems amazing to me is not the severity of Brother B's color-blindness, but the fact that he says stuff like this.
Please Vote!
Hello,
Please vote for your favorite caption on the poll to the right. This is for the picture posted here:
http://www.disgracepointonline.org/2009/12/demotivator-contest.html
Please vote for your favorite caption on the poll to the right. This is for the picture posted here:
http://www.disgracepointonline.org/2009/12/demotivator-contest.html
Comebacks
Setting: Brother W and his wife E were driving to a place where Brother W would be teaching the Bible study.
Sister E: So what do you think about these issues? There are so many things to think about.
Brother W: I know, but let’s not talk about that right now, because I gotta concentrate.
Sister E: But we need to talk through these items. I’m so stressed.
Brother W: You’re stressed? Hey, at least you don’t have to teach Bible studies!
Sister E: At least you don’t have to listen to them!
At this point, Brother W, who is a good sport about bantering, was first shocked, but then realized that his wife bested him, and said, “Wow! That’s a good one!!”
Warmth
On our trip to Grand Canyon, us pampered Californians soon discovered that the chilly Arizona proved to be too much for us.
In desperation, we found ourselves having a new idol... the bright brown trash can, which was very warm from absorbing much heat from the sunlight.
Before we know it, we were all crowded around that new idol of ours, touching it, leaning on it, hugging it, worshipping it...
It is another example of just how weak human body is.
Happy New Year!
Happy New Year, everyone!
Let's together commit to a new year's resolution -- that we will submit at least one story to disgracepoint this year, or at least do something that is worthy of others telling disgracepoint about. Really, we're running low on stories.
Happy new year, happy new decade.
Let's together commit to a new year's resolution -- that we will submit at least one story to disgracepoint this year, or at least do something that is worthy of others telling disgracepoint about. Really, we're running low on stories.
Happy new year, happy new decade.
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Friend: What was the name of that Asian girl from Harry Potter? Sister S: Chow Mein! Friend: Nevermind.
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The predominant response of people who have seen this picture of Jasper wearing a bullfighter outfit has been, “Why, why why??” In response,...
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This video is the compilation of the "best of" Richard Tjhen, who got married recently to Flo. This was shown during their wedding...
