Geography Patient

submitted by Robert Kim

Friend: I'm doing this crossword puzzle, and the hint is: the city of Taj Mahal

Geography Patient: Moscow!!

English Patient Praise Lyrics

submitted by Jenn Chen

Setting: While listening to a song by Casting Crowns..  the singer sings, "Empty hands held high...  such small sacrifice.."

English Patient: What's Szechuan sacrifice?

Online Chat

submitted by Irene Yen

I: Hey K, you still there?
I: Hellooooo?
I: Did you fall sleep at work again?

<5 minutes later>
K: No.
K: I never sleep
K: at work
K: for a long time.

English Patient: So Clean!

submitted by Allen Chen

After cleaning the kitchen floor, English Patient Brother K proudly says,
"Man!  This floor is so clean that you can cook an egg on it!!"

Hurting: Name

A student says, "Hey, what's Pastor Ed's first name?"

English Patient: Convenience Stores

Brother J: Hey, you know, the coffee they sell at the convenience store is pretty good!

Friend: Which one?  7-Eleven?

Brother J: No, Amazing PM!

Friend: Huh?  I think you mean AM PM

Brother J: Oh yeah..  Why is it called AM PM anyway?  What does that mean?

English Patient: Mallet

Sister S: Oh my gosh, your bag is so heavy!  It's like that hammer weapon!  Like a mullet!

Sister E: Umm...

Sister S: (pause) Oh, I meant it's like a mollusk.

Miscommunication Party

Setting: A brother is taking out his pickles from his sandwich, because he doesn't like them.

Sister M: Can I have your pickles?

Sister S: What?  He has pitbulls?

Sister M: I said pickles!!  Ha ha, that's funny!  You thought I said pimples!

Sister S: What?

Sister M: That's you said, pimples!

Sister S: No!  You said pitbulls!

(at this point, the brother slowly gets up and moves away from these crazed sisters)

Demotivator: Chivalry

Intelligent Design

submitted by Maurice Chung of Gracepoint Austin, who took this picture when William Dembski visited Gracepoint Berkeley. 

This is too much!

If God is good, then why Maurice?

Hurting Interviews: Monster

Setting: When Brother M was interviewing for a job

Interviewer: So what 3 words would describe you?

Brother M: Umm.. hard-working..  naive... and..  monster.

Interviewer:  Naive?  Monster??

Brother M: Yeah.  Monster.

Interviewer: Can you explain why "monster" would describe you?

Brother M: Because when I'm on the basketball court, I'm a MONSTER!!

(note: Brother M was offered a job from this company)

Spanish Patient: Salsa

Setting: At Safeway


Sister Y: Hi, I’m looking for the Cinco de Mayo salsa.  Do you know where they are?

Demotivator: Time of Crisis

Unintended Meaning: Break it Down

Setting: A bunch of staff are gathered together at Gracepoint Austin to plan for an event, and they start to feel overwhelmed and stressed out about all the logistics that they need to take care of.

Staff: Oh my gosh!  That's a lot of stuff that we need to think about!

Sister S: Okay, everyone.  Calm down, and let's think about the steps one at a time and have a mental breakdown.


Note to all English Patients: There's a big difference between "mentally breaking it down" and a "mental breakdown".  Don't ask me why.  That's just how weird English is.