Student: I'm allergic to nickel.
Sister B: Oh my gosh, does that mean you're allergic to dimes and quarters too?
Muppets
Brother JC: You know, in the muppets, there's that Hermit the Cra... [pause] I mean, Kermit the Frog.
Friends: Hey, were you going to say Hermit the Crab? Like hermit crabs?
Brother JC: But I didn't say it fully, so it doesn't count!
Friends: Hey, were you going to say Hermit the Crab? Like hermit crabs?
Brother JC: But I didn't say it fully, so it doesn't count!
Naturalization
Friend 1: Even though I wasn't born here, I became an American citizen automatically because my dad naturalized.
Friend 2: What does that mean?
Sister J (chem major): It means acid and base were combined together to form water and salt.
Friend 2: What does that mean?
Sister J (chem major): It means acid and base were combined together to form water and salt.
Rose Ablaze
Student:
Oh! I heard!
Sister G: Heard what?
Student: I heard that you dozed off in front of your boss yesterday.
Sister
G: Oh man, the news is spreading like a wild-flower!
Singing Audition
Setting: An email gets sent out to a mass alias regarding Thanksgiving Celebration...
"Hi! I am so excited about this TC. We are in need of some talented brothers and sisters who can sin."
NOTE: I guess that means everyone's qualified.
"Hi! I am so excited about this TC. We are in need of some talented brothers and sisters who can sin."
NOTE: I guess that means everyone's qualified.
Name from the Bible
Sister V: Sorry I can't remember your name.
Grace: Here. I'll give you a hint. It's one of the
most common words in the Bible.
Sister V: ??
Grace: It starts with the letter G.
Sister V: Jesus?
Chicken or the Egg
Brother J: Oh man, that's a tough one. It's like chicken or the bone problem, isn't it?
oovoo Conferencing
Setting: some peer brothers are talking about video-conferencing each other using a program called "oovoo".
Brother S: Yeah, let's keep in touch through voodoo.
Brother S: Yeah, let's keep in touch through voodoo.
Draconian House Rules
Setting: A bunch of brothers are discussing cutting down on electricity usage in their house.
Friend: It's great that we're saving so much money! But let's not overdo it. I don't think we should be too draconian about this.
Brother S: I agree! Let's not be such a Dracula about it.
Friend: It's great that we're saving so much money! But let's not overdo it. I don't think we should be too draconian about this.
Brother S: I agree! Let's not be such a Dracula about it.
Princess Bride
Sister S looks at the following banner and exclaims, "What is Princess Uncle?"
This DVD cover is brilliant. There is a reason why the word "bride" looks so strange, so Sister S, take courage.
Playing Taboo
Setting: A group of people are playing Taboo...
Friend: A synonym for sorry!
Sister E: Apologize!
Friend: Yeah, but the noun form of that!
Sister E: Apologization!
Later: While recounting the story...
Friend: And then she said, "Apologization!"
Sister A: And she got it right, right?
Trash Talking
Sister X: "Ooh, I love Monopoly Deal! I am soooo good at that game, I'm going to wipe your butt!"
Opponent: No, I think you mean to say, 'I'm going to kick your butt.'"
Opponent: No, I think you mean to say, 'I'm going to kick your butt.'"
Vote for your Favorite Caption
Please vote for your favorite caption on the right. It is referring to this picture:
Scary Movie: with Sound Effects!
This video has sound effects and music! Makes a pretty big difference... Don't watch this alone.
A Place in Mexico
Setting: Some youth students and teachers are talking about summer plans.
Teacher: So what's your plans for the summer?
Student: My family is going on a cruise.
Teacher: Oh, where's that?
Student: ... umm.. to Mexico.
Teacher: Wow, I didn't know there's a city called Ana Cruz in Mexico!
Teacher: So what's your plans for the summer?
Student: My family is going on a cruise.
Teacher: Oh, where's that?
Student: ... umm.. to Mexico.
Teacher: Wow, I didn't know there's a city called Ana Cruz in Mexico!
Video Scavenger Hunt
This is from a video scavenger hunt game, and the category was "the coolest way possible of walking into a fast food restaurant."
I personally think this is the winner, but there's another group that has their own video (this will be posted later)
I personally think this is the winner, but there's another group that has their own video (this will be posted later)
Pizza, Italy, Cheese... They Are All Related
Brother WT: Hey that looks like the cheese tower of leaning (pointing at a slanted shoe rack)Brother J: ... Did you mean the Leaning Tower of Pisa?
Brother WT: Oh, yeah... You know it's the same thing because pizza has cheese.
Miscommunication Issues
(The situation below demonstrates a fundamental miscommunication and misunderstaanding between parents and their college-age children.)
Student S: Dad, will stop treating me like a little boy?
Dad: What? Do you want me to start treating you like a little girl?
Student S: Dad, will stop treating me like a little boy?
Dad: What? Do you want me to start treating you like a little girl?
OT Literacy
Friend 1: Hey guys, do you have any suggestions for a baby girl name?
Friend 2: Stephanie
Friend 3: Ellen!
Brother D: Jezebel!!
[silence]Friend 2: Do you know who she is in the Bible?
Brother D: She's in the OT right?
Wrong --ist
Friend: Oh my gosh, take a look at the name of this soy sauce. It's called "Housewife Soy Sauce." That's pretty messed up.
Brother D: Yeah man, that's so racist.
Brother D: Yeah man, that's so racist.
Tricky Spelling
This check is written by a Spelling Patient Sister J:
Another Spelling Patient Sister S comes along and corrects the misspelling, being nice enough to even put in Sister J's initials:
Geography Patient
Brother J: Wow, this cake is good, where did you get it?
Friend: It’s called “The Dream Cake”. I got it from a Danish bakery.
Brother J: What is “Danish”?
Friend: You know… from Denmark.
Brother J: (pause) Is that in Asia?
My Condolences
Setting: Judge Hensley's thesis got approved, and people of Gracepoint Austin are talking about going out to celebrate.
Brother D: Hey, let's go out and celebrate Judge's passing!
Brother D: Hey, let's go out and celebrate Judge's passing!
English Patient: Dangerous Driver
Sister S: No, I need to go to the DMZ and take a test to get a permit.
English Patient: Royal Personality
Sister A: Wow, she is such a typical ISFJ. She is really royal... or was it loyal?
Hole-In-One
Friend: Man, it's amazing that some people get hole-in-one's in golf. That's so lucky.
Sister R: What's a holy one?
Sister R: What's a holy one?
Normal Versus Videos
Setting: Some students from Gracepoint Austin are talking about the Normal Vs. Videos... (some of which are featured on this site)
Sister X: I think those Normal Versus videos are pretty funny. Except.. whenever I watch them, I tend to miss the Bible verses. Where are they?
Sister X: I think those Normal Versus videos are pretty funny. Except.. whenever I watch them, I tend to miss the Bible verses. Where are they?
Sandra
Setting: Sandra calls an Indian restaurant to pre-order some Indian food.
Sandra: Hello? Yes, I would like to order some hara bhara paratha, some pani poori, pav bhavi papad, and some dal makhani.
Restaurant: What is your name?
Sandra: Sandra.
Restaurant: Got it, it will be ready in 15 minutes.
The following receipt was what Sandra got.
Sandra: Hello? Yes, I would like to order some hara bhara paratha, some pani poori, pav bhavi papad, and some dal makhani.
Restaurant: What is your name?
Sandra: Sandra.
Restaurant: Got it, it will be ready in 15 minutes.
The following receipt was what Sandra got.
I.D. Check
Setting: During Christmas 2010, Sister A and her friend is shopping at Safeway, and they get NyQuil, which requires an I.D. check.
Cashier: In order to buy this, I need something from you.
Friend: A credit card?
Cashier: No, something else.
Friend: A safeway card?
Cashier: Nope..
Sister A: (suddenly butting in) How about a "Merry Christmas"??
[silence]
Cashier: I need your I.D.
Sister A: [silently slips away into the background]
Cashier: In order to buy this, I need something from you.
Friend: A credit card?
Cashier: No, something else.
Friend: A safeway card?
Cashier: Nope..
Sister A: (suddenly butting in) How about a "Merry Christmas"??
[silence]
Cashier: I need your I.D.
Sister A: [silently slips away into the background]
Gracepiont Riverside Kid Strikes Again
Setting: Our beloved child M from Gracepoint Riverside gets a haircut. Then next morning, Child M wakes up and exclaims:
"Yay! My haircut is still on!"
"Yay! My haircut is still on!"
English Patient: Very Close Pronunciation
Brother Y: Man, when I saw Kung Fu Panda 2 and saw the army scene, it reminded me of Lord of the Rings.. Solomon's Army.
Friend: Do you mean Saruman's Army?
Friend: Do you mean Saruman's Army?
English Patient: Rickshaws
Friend: We rented the surreys to ride around Monterey.English Patient: What's a surrey?
Friend: They are sort of like rickshaws.
English Patient: Who's Rick Hsia?
English Patient: Difference Between Away and Up
Sister S: Wow that song is amazing. When I heard it at the Starfield concert I was blown up!
Appetizing Menu
Here's a picture that I took a while ago at one of my favorite restaurants, China Village..
Their food is absolutely delicious, so don't be deceived by their menu.
Their food is absolutely delicious, so don't be deceived by their menu.
More Wanda!
Setting: A bunch of Gracepoint sisters are gathered together cooking.
Sister J: Can you get Wanda for me?
Sister V: To use for cooking, or for you?
[silence]
Sister J: Wanda!
Sister V: I know.. but how much of it?
Everyone else in the kitchen: Wanda! Not watta (water)!
NOTE: It's not very clear whether it was Sister J's pronunciation or Sister's V's hearing problem that's at fault here...
Sister J: Can you get Wanda for me?
Sister V: To use for cooking, or for you?
[silence]
Sister J: Wanda!
Sister V: I know.. but how much of it?
Everyone else in the kitchen: Wanda! Not watta (water)!
NOTE: It's not very clear whether it was Sister J's pronunciation or Sister's V's hearing problem that's at fault here...
English Patient or Pundit Genius?
Sister S: My brother lived at a city that no one knows about in Korea. Not even Koreans know about it.
Friend: Wow it's a really obscure city?
Sister S: Yeah scarcity.
NOTE: It is not clear if Sister S is an English Patient and didn't mean what she said.. or maybe she's a Pundit Genius. Maybe this post belongs in the PunwithGracepoint site.
Friend: Wow it's a really obscure city?
Sister S: Yeah scarcity.
NOTE: It is not clear if Sister S is an English Patient and didn't mean what she said.. or maybe she's a Pundit Genius. Maybe this post belongs in the PunwithGracepoint site.
What Do You Want To Be?
Setting: A conversation between 3 children and their babysitting auntie from long time ago..
Babysitter: What do you want to be when you grow up?
Kid#1: I want to be...an engineer!
Babysitter: Okay, just like your dad.
Kid#2: Me, too!
Babysitter: Yeah, your dad's an engineer too. (turns toward her daughter) How about you?
Daughter: I want to be...a grad student!
(Her father was in grad school for many years... Apologies to all the grad students in our midst for this depressing story)
Babysitter: What do you want to be when you grow up?
Kid#1: I want to be...an engineer!
Babysitter: Okay, just like your dad.
Kid#2: Me, too!
Babysitter: Yeah, your dad's an engineer too. (turns toward her daughter) How about you?
Daughter: I want to be...a grad student!
(Her father was in grad school for many years... Apologies to all the grad students in our midst for this depressing story)
CS Lewis Fan
Brother P: Oh, the famous book that C.S. Lewis wrote.. it was called "The Lion, the Den and the Witch", right?
English Patients: Layman
Setting: A group of 3 sisters are talking, 2 of which are English Patients.
Friend: Wow, C.S. Lewis writes like a theologian. I can't believe he was just a layman.
Sister J: Umm.. what's a layman?
Friend: Wow, C.S. Lewis writes like a theologian. I can't believe he was just a layman.
Sister J: Umm.. what's a layman?
Sister D: Isn't it just lemon?
English Patient: Fill Me In
Setting: A group of sisters are laughing about something, and Sister S enters.
Sister S: What's going on? Tell me! Fill me up!!
Sister S: What's going on? Tell me! Fill me up!!
Asian-American Political Correctness
Setting: Brother B is at a Chinese-Korean restaurant. Brother B notices that the Chinese-Korean owner is speaking Chinese.
Brother B: Wow! Where did you learn to speak Chinese so well?
Owner: Where did you learn to speak English so well?
Brother B: Wow! Where did you learn to speak Chinese so well?
Owner: Where did you learn to speak English so well?
Grace vs. Mercy
submitted by Sylvia
Sister S says, "I was speeding, but the cop gave me a break. He was so graceful."
Sister S says, "I was speeding, but the cop gave me a break. He was so graceful."
English Patient: Chinese Ice-Cream
Setting: Brother J is at Ben & Jerry's Ice-Cream store with a group of people.
Friend: Hey Brother J, aren't you going to have any ice-cream?
Brother J: Nah. I work for Dreyers, man. If I eat my competitor's ice-cream, that would be ethnically wrong.
Friend: Hey Brother J, aren't you going to have any ice-cream?
Brother J: Nah. I work for Dreyers, man. If I eat my competitor's ice-cream, that would be ethnically wrong.
Shorthand
Setting: During one of the GLive practices, people are reading through the scripts...
Sister A: Hey! I never knew that "XIAN" was a shorthand for "Asian"!!
NOTE: Try actually phonetically pronouncing the word, and you can sympathize with all English Patients out there.
Sister A: Hey! I never knew that "XIAN" was a shorthand for "Asian"!!
NOTE: Try actually phonetically pronouncing the word, and you can sympathize with all English Patients out there.
Arnold from Down Under
Setting: Brother Y is talking with a group of people about Sister C's accent.
Friend: Hey, Sister C has a cool accent. Is she from Australia?
Brother Y: Yeah! Like Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Friend: Hey, Sister C has a cool accent. Is she from Australia?
Brother Y: Yeah! Like Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Crazy Cooking
"Hey, we can have meatball sandwiches for the group lunch! It's easy. We just need a crack pot."
Outsmarting the Phone Companies
submitted by David Lee of Gracepoint Austin
Sister S: Hey, I figured out a way to not get charged for incoming text messages.
Friend: Really? How?
Sister S: My phone lets me preview the first few words of my messages, and if I get the gist of the message, I won't open it, and so I won't get charged! Mwuahahaha! That'll show them.
Sister S: Oh.
Sister S: Hey, I figured out a way to not get charged for incoming text messages.
Friend: Really? How?
Sister S: My phone lets me preview the first few words of my messages, and if I get the gist of the message, I won't open it, and so I won't get charged! Mwuahahaha! That'll show them.
Friend: Um, you get charged either way because it got sent to you.
Sister S: Oh.
Hungry Illusions
Bro. J: Hey where did you come from?
Friend: Oh, just came from the dorms after going to RSF.
Bro. J: Oh okie. What's that smell?
Friend: What smell? You mean my deodorant?
Bro. J: What? Doughnut?!! You had doughnuts!!
Friend: What doughnuts? I said deodorant.
Bro. J: Oh, sorry. You know, I've been on diet and somehow I just heard doughnuts.
Friend: Oh, just came from the dorms after going to RSF.
Bro. J: Oh okie. What's that smell?
Friend: What smell? You mean my deodorant?
Bro. J: What? Doughnut?!! You had doughnuts!!
Friend: What doughnuts? I said deodorant.
Bro. J: Oh, sorry. You know, I've been on diet and somehow I just heard doughnuts.
Friend In Need
Sister T is at the ARC (Davis's version of RSF) and has never been on a treadmill before but wants to try it out. Sister M is running on the treadmill next to her. Sister T stands on the treadmill and turns it on at full speed, thinking it can't be that fast--after all, a 25mph car ride seems so slow. She flies off the treadmill. Confused, she keeps trying to run back onto the treadmill to turn it off but she keeps falling off. She even gets on her hands and knees, trying to climb back onto the treadmill but can't seem to do it. Sister M has headphones on and is oblivious to the plight of Sister T right next to her. Sister T gives up and taps on Sister M's shoulder who turns, reaches over, and presses the off button on Sister T's treadmill.
Lost
There was a story-worthy trip in which a group of brothers coming back from a domestic mission trip got lost so badly that they were on the road for an extra 2-3 hours... One of the more amazing parts of the story is that one of the brothers had a working GPS in the car..
So others asked him, "Didn't you have your GPS on?"
Brother C answers, "Yeah, it was turned on, but it kept on telling me to turn around, so I turned it off."
Some other brothers from that trip have compiled some things that they are thankful for:
1) I've always wondered Bakersfield is like but have never gotten around to it visiting. Now, I've confirmed my suspicions that it's not worth the trip
2) Thankful that we weren't on the way TO the mission trip
3) Thankful that there were no sisters with us.
So others asked him, "Didn't you have your GPS on?"
Brother C answers, "Yeah, it was turned on, but it kept on telling me to turn around, so I turned it off."
Some other brothers from that trip have compiled some things that they are thankful for:
1) I've always wondered Bakersfield is like but have never gotten around to it visiting. Now, I've confirmed my suspicions that it's not worth the trip
2) Thankful that we weren't on the way TO the mission trip
3) Thankful that there were no sisters with us.
Frodo Meets English Patient
Setting: While watching Lord of the Rings where Frodo and company are running away from the Nazgul and Merry suggests using a "Buckleberry Ferry"...
Friends: "Umm...you mean Huckleberry Finn?"
[Later on the in the movie, when Gandalf is trying to open the door to Moria]
Sister C: "Sesame open!"
Sister C: "Hey, Buckleberry Ferry! That's just like Buckleberry Finn!"
Friends: "Umm...you mean Huckleberry Finn?"
[Later on the in the movie, when Gandalf is trying to open the door to Moria]
Sister C: "Sesame open!"
Disgracepoint Classic: Normal vs. Pastor Manny
A classic Normal vs. video, about Pastor Manny of Gracepoint Austin.
http://www.disgracepointonline.org/2008/10/normal-vs-manny-kim.html
http://www.disgracepointonline.org/2008/10/normal-vs-manny-kim.html
Animal Game #2
NOTE: This disgracepoint post should be read along with the previous post, "Animal Game #1"
Son: Mommy, I'm thinking of an animal that starts with the letter "B".
Mom: Is it a bear?
Son: Nope.
Mom: A bird?
Son: Mmmm.. No.
[After many attempts]
Mom: Okay, I can't guess it. What is it?
Son: A bicycle!!
Mom: [concerned silence]
Son: Mommy, I'm thinking of an animal that starts with the letter "B".
Mom: Is it a bear?
Son: Nope.
Mom: A bird?
Son: Mmmm.. No.
[After many attempts]
Mom: Okay, I can't guess it. What is it?
Son: A bicycle!!
Mom: [concerned silence]
Animal Game #1
Setting: A guessing game played between mommy & her son...
Son: Mommy, let's play the animal game!
Mom: Sure!
Son: I'm thinking of an animal that starts with the letter "P"
Mom: Is it a penguin?
Son: No.
Mom: Pig?
Son: Nope.
Mom: Okay, what is it?
Son: It's a Big Fat Chicken!!!
Mom: [concerned silence]
Son: Mommy, let's play the animal game!
Mom: Sure!
Son: I'm thinking of an animal that starts with the letter "P"
Mom: Is it a penguin?
Son: No.
Mom: Pig?
Son: Nope.
Mom: Okay, what is it?
Son: It's a Big Fat Chicken!!!
Mom: [concerned silence]
Turning Things Around
During a GLive practice, Brother S gathers everyone in the gym and says:
"All right everyone, good job! I think we've made a 360 degree improvement!"
"All right everyone, good job! I think we've made a 360 degree improvement!"
Helen Keller
Friend: You know Helen Keller, right?
Sister Y: Oh yeah! She's the flyer!
Friend: Flyer...?
Sister Y sticks out her arms to make an airplane motion
Friend: You mean a pilot?
Sister Y: O yeah!
Friend: I think you might be thinking of Amelia Earhart.
Sister Y: Oh, yeah! Helen Keller was the blind person!
Sister Y: Oh yeah! She's the flyer!
Friend: Flyer...?
Sister Y sticks out her arms to make an airplane motion
Friend: You mean a pilot?
Sister Y: O yeah!
Friend: I think you might be thinking of Amelia Earhart.
Sister Y: Oh, yeah! Helen Keller was the blind person!
Who Feels Comfortable?
Setting: At an InterHigh service, English Patient Sister K is asking a series of questions...
"Hey guys, who feels comfortable killing a mosquito?"
[audience response]
"Okay... who feels comfortable killing an aunt?"
[silence]
"I meant ant! Ant!"
"Hey guys, who feels comfortable killing a mosquito?"
[audience response]
"Okay... who feels comfortable killing an aunt?"
[silence]
"I meant ant! Ant!"
Eugene's Shoes
I am not sure if this is funny, but some sisters thought it was funny. This is a picture of Eugene Peng's shoes, but I have no way of confirming this claim.
Spicy Tea
Sister A: What are you making?
Friend: Citron tea.
Sister A: Oh my gosh, that sounds so spicy!!
Friend: ??
Sister A: Szechuan people make their tea spicy too? What's wrong with them?
Friend: Citron tea.
Sister A: Oh my gosh, that sounds so spicy!!
Friend: ??
Sister A: Szechuan people make their tea spicy too? What's wrong with them?
Awesome Resume
Sister J is writing her resume, and asks, "So I should put Bachelorette's Degree instead of Bachelor's Degree, right?"
Lesson About Easter
Setting: Hannah is trying to teach Micah (4 years old) about Easter.
Hannah: Micah, do you know what day it is on Sunday?
Micah: Ummm... is it Saturday?
Hannah: Micah, do you know what day it is on Sunday?
Micah: Ummm... is it Saturday?
English Patient: Beyof Restaurant
Sister J receives an email and asks, "Hey, do you know of a restaurant named Beyof? I have to go there for dinner."
Her friends discuss this, because they have never heard of that restaurant before. Then they realize that Sister J must have read the following email:
"Dinner before Bible Study: BYOF" (which stands for Bring Your Own Food)
Her friends discuss this, because they have never heard of that restaurant before. Then they realize that Sister J must have read the following email:
"Dinner before Bible Study: BYOF" (which stands for Bring Your Own Food)
Love and Marriage: Offensive Car Snacks
Setting: Husband H and Wife J are driving... (Both of them are English Patients)
J: Do you want nuts?
H: [silence]
J: How come you're not saying anything?
H: Because! I didn't do anything, and you just asked me if I'm nuts!
J: Do you want nuts?
H: [silence]
J: How come you're not saying anything?
H: Because! I didn't do anything, and you just asked me if I'm nuts!
Prayer Request
Setting: A brother from Gracepoint Austin says:
Let's pray that the upcoming trip will be a meaningful time of bonding, especially for those who are going to be there.
Let's pray that the upcoming trip will be a meaningful time of bonding, especially for those who are going to be there.
Texting Error
At Riverside, Brother A is running the sound controls... The sound was too soft, so another brother texts him, trying to get him to make the sound louder...
He texts Brother A: "LOSER"
Brother A, not knowing what this means, guesses that he must mean "lower", so he lowers the sound even more... causing his friend to think that Brother A must really be a loser.
He texts Brother A: "LOSER"
Brother A, not knowing what this means, guesses that he must mean "lower", so he lowers the sound even more... causing his friend to think that Brother A must really be a loser.
Dangerous Dogs
Setting: Sister M needs to give a flu shot to a patient at a hospital with a guard dog who is very protective of the owner.
Sister M: Um, can you please keep the dog's leash wrapped around something on the opposite side from where I'm standing?
Patient: Sure.
Sister M: Can you please make sure it's very secure?
Patient: Okay.
Sister M (sweating with anxiety): Are you really sure?
Patient: Yes.
Later, when asked what kind of guard dog it was, Sister M said it was a chihuahua.
Sister M: Um, can you please keep the dog's leash wrapped around something on the opposite side from where I'm standing?
Patient: Sure.
Sister M: Can you please make sure it's very secure?
Patient: Okay.
Sister M (sweating with anxiety): Are you really sure?
Patient: Yes.
Later, when asked what kind of guard dog it was, Sister M said it was a chihuahua.
Spelling
Auntie: Hey M, how do you spell "dog"?
M: um...um..
Auntie: what makes the "D-uh" sound?
M: D!
Auntie: good!! okay... whats next?
M: I dunno..
Auntie: Cmon.. you can do it! (slowly) DOG...
M: oh I know!
Auntie: okay! what is it!
M: Um..Circle!?
Another time
Auntie: What letters are you learning now in school?
M: Oh, we learned "H" it makes the "h-uh" sound!
Auntie: good!! what other letters did you learn?
M: i learned "L-uh".
Auntie: oh .. what letter makes the sound "L-uh"?
M: um.. one??
M: um...um..
Auntie: what makes the "D-uh" sound?
M: D!
Auntie: good!! okay... whats next?
M: I dunno..
Auntie: Cmon.. you can do it! (slowly) DOG...
M: oh I know!
Auntie: okay! what is it!
M: Um..Circle!?
Another time
Auntie: What letters are you learning now in school?
M: Oh, we learned "H" it makes the "h-uh" sound!
Auntie: good!! what other letters did you learn?
M: i learned "L-uh".
Auntie: oh .. what letter makes the sound "L-uh"?
M: um.. one??
Taiwan Mission Trip
Setting: During the Taiwan Winter Mission Trip, a group of sisters are gathered together to share how their day went.
Sister J: Today was a great day. I had some really amazing conversations during lunch today!
Sister L: Yeah. I know. I was with you.
Sister J: Today was a great day. I had some really amazing conversations during lunch today!
Sister L: Yeah. I know. I was with you.
Gracepoint Core Value
As we know, one of Gracepoint's core values is "Living it out."
This is a flyer one of the sisters in our Gracepoint Hsinchu made last year... Take a look at this problematic flyer.
This is a flyer one of the sisters in our Gracepoint Hsinchu made last year... Take a look at this problematic flyer.
Insulting Affection
Elijah, one of the kids of Gracepoint Riverside, hugs his mom over and over again.
Mother: [smiling] Why do you always hug me?
Elijah: Because there's nothing else to do.
Mother: [smiling] Why do you always hug me?
Elijah: Because there's nothing else to do.
King of Basketball
Friend: I'm not a fan of Michael Jackson.
Sister L: It's ok, I'm not a fan of basketball either
Sister L: It's ok, I'm not a fan of basketball either
English Patient
Sister J: Hey Sister M, where do you work?
Sister M: Oh I work at Triple A.
Sister J: Oh wow that's so cool!!!
Moments Later..
Sister J: Sister M works at Chipotle! She probably gets free food!
Sister M: Oh I work at Triple A.
Sister J: Oh wow that's so cool!!!
Moments Later..
Sister J: Sister M works at Chipotle! She probably gets free food!
Care Package
Setting: A couple of students are talking about getting something for their leaders..
Sister S: I think we should get them a care package.
Sister J: A what?
Sister S: A care package.
Sister J: Okay, but I think we should also get them broccoli.
Sister S: Huh?
[Next day, their leaders get a broccoli package and a carrot package]
Sister S: I think we should get them a care package.
Sister J: A what?
Sister S: A care package.
Sister J: Okay, but I think we should also get them broccoli.
Sister S: Huh?
[Next day, their leaders get a broccoli package and a carrot package]
Cleaning Skills
Setting: Brother S is wiping the tables after dinner.
Leader: Hey, are you good at cleaning tables?
Brother S: Oh yeah. I was a waiter at a restaurant.
[Everyone around Brother S starts to get impressed]
Brother S: Oh, but I was fired.
Leader: Hey, are you good at cleaning tables?
Brother S: Oh yeah. I was a waiter at a restaurant.
[Everyone around Brother S starts to get impressed]
Brother S: Oh, but I was fired.
Spelling Patient
Setting: Sisters are gathered together talking about baby names.
Friend 1: Did you settle on a name for the baby?
Expecting Friend: Yes, we're going to name her Zoe.
Friend 1: Cool.
Sister M: Are you going to spell it with a Z or with a J?
Friend 1: Did you settle on a name for the baby?
Expecting Friend: Yes, we're going to name her Zoe.
Friend 1: Cool.
Sister M: Are you going to spell it with a Z or with a J?
Disgracepoint Classic
One of the funniest stories I've heard:
http://www.disgracepointonline.org/2009/08/pull-my-finger.html
http://www.disgracepointonline.org/2009/08/pull-my-finger.html
Disgracepoint Classic
Thanksgiving Video from 2009...
http://www.disgracepointonline.org/2009/11/grumpy-old-men-interviews.html
http://www.disgracepointonline.org/2009/11/grumpy-old-men-interviews.html
Nobel Prize
Friend: The Sixth Sense was a good movie.
Brother W: I know.. Didn't it win the Nobel Prize?
Brother W: I know.. Didn't it win the Nobel Prize?
Tax Patient
Sister J: Hey dad, I called to let you know that I got that contractor job!
Father: Congratulations! Independent contractor job? Then I guess that means you'll getting a 1099 from them?
Sister J: Oh no no.. ha ha.. Dad.. they are paying me much more than that per hour.
Father: Congratulations! Independent contractor job? Then I guess that means you'll getting a 1099 from them?
Sister J: Oh no no.. ha ha.. Dad.. they are paying me much more than that per hour.
Heartbreak
Setting: The two brothers Elijah & Micah from Gracepoint Riverside are play-fighting, and Elijah pushes Micah on the chest a little too hard, causing Micah to cry.
Adult: What happened Micah? Why are you crying?
Micah: Lijah... he broke my heart!!
Adult: What happened Micah? Why are you crying?
Micah: Lijah... he broke my heart!!
Normal Vs. Daniel & Sarah
Thank you Gracepoint Berkeley for making this video for our farewell. Kenny Choi, I will get you later.
Irony
Brother M: Have you read any good books lately?
Brother B: Yeah, I read "Getting Things Done."
Brother M: Oh, how was that?
Brother B: I don't know, I didn't get very far.
Brother B: Yeah, I read "Getting Things Done."
Brother M: Oh, how was that?
Brother B: I don't know, I didn't get very far.
Good Stuff to Eat
Sister E is eating at Smokehouse, a burger joint on Telegraph in Berkeley. After looking at the menu, she smiles and exclaims:
"Wow! There's a lot of good stuff to eat at this outhouse!"
Ridiculous Movie
Setting: Brother T is talking to his mom about the movie Apollo 13, a movie based on the true story about the failed mission to the moon...
Brother T: I really liked that movie.
Mom: Really? I thought it was stupid.
Brother T: Why?
Mom: It's so unrealistic! People can't go to the moon?!
Brother T: [silence] Oh.. boy... where do I start?
Brother T: I really liked that movie.
Mom: Really? I thought it was stupid.
Brother T: Why?
Mom: It's so unrealistic! People can't go to the moon?!
Brother T: [silence] Oh.. boy... where do I start?
Being Mechanical
Leader: Okay, let's get into small groups and discuss this topic.
Friend: Do we have to write down what we talked about?
Brother J: I think we can just talk about it. Don't be a mechanic.
Friend: Do we have to write down what we talked about?
Brother J: I think we can just talk about it. Don't be a mechanic.
Sci Fi Movie
Friend: Pitch Black was a good sci fi movie.
Brother J: Wait, is a movie where it's just really dark?
Brother J: Wait, is a movie where it's just really dark?
Joyland Outing
Setting: In talking about Fallfest, which is a program that our children's department puts on...
Brother C: Hey, those are the kids that I met at the Oktoberfest!
(note: Oktoberfest is a German festival largely centered around beer)
Brother C: Hey, those are the kids that I met at the Oktoberfest!
(note: Oktoberfest is a German festival largely centered around beer)
Science Patient: Playing Taboo
Setting: Sister C is playing the game Taboo..
Sister C: This is a famous star!
Her team: The north star!
Sister C: No a different star!
None of her team knows the names of other stars so they start guessing constellations and other astronomical terms until the time runs out.
Her team: What was it?
Sister C: Uranus!!
Sister C: This is a famous star!
Her team: The north star!
Sister C: No a different star!
None of her team knows the names of other stars so they start guessing constellations and other astronomical terms until the time runs out.
Her team: What was it?
Sister C: Uranus!!
Unquotable Quotables
Upon seeing the boxes of the newly ordered book Satan and His Kingdom, Pastor Ed Kang happily exclaims: "All right! Satan and His Kingdom came!"
Shrinking Pens
Setting: Conversation between two Sister Y's
Sister Y2: I got all these pens from China!
Sister Y1: Oh, be careful, because they might shrink and lose color.
Sister Y2: uh... shrink and lose color?
Sister Y1: Yea! They might be bad quality.
Sister Y2: I bought pens, not pants.
Sister Y1: What?
Sister Y2: (louder) Pens! not pens! Pants!
Sister Y1: What?
Sister Y2: Pans!!!
Sister Y1: WHAT???
Sister Y2: I got all these pens from China!
Sister Y1: Oh, be careful, because they might shrink and lose color.
Sister Y2: uh... shrink and lose color?
Sister Y1: Yea! They might be bad quality.
Sister Y2: I bought pens, not pants.
Sister Y1: What?
Sister Y2: (louder) Pens! not pens! Pants!
Sister Y1: What?
Sister Y2: Pans!!!
Sister Y1: WHAT???
Trauma
submitted by Emily
One morning, a sister X wakes up and screams, "Oh my God! Ohhh myyyy Godddd! I can't hear! I can't hear!!"
A moment later, sister X takes out her ear plugs.
One morning, a sister X wakes up and screams, "Oh my God! Ohhh myyyy Godddd! I can't hear! I can't hear!!"
A moment later, sister X takes out her ear plugs.
Pescetarian
Setting: During lunch, Sister J sees a student eating only salad.
Sister J: Oh, are you vegetarian?
Student: No, I'm a pescetarian.
Sister J: Wow, I didn't know Presbyterians don't eat meat!
Sister J: Oh, are you vegetarian?
Student: No, I'm a pescetarian.
Sister J: Wow, I didn't know Presbyterians don't eat meat!
Church Bulletins Blunders: Part 3
"Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow."
"The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility."
"The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy."
"Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7PM. Please use the back door."
"The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours'."
"The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility."
"The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy."
"Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7PM. Please use the back door."
"The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours'."
Vote for Your Favorite Caption(s)!
Please vote on the right for your favorite caption(s). These captions are for this picture.
Church Bulletin Blunders: Part 2
"Miss Charlene Mason sang, 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation."
"For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs."
"At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice."
"For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs."
"At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice."
Church Bulletin Blunders: Part 1
This is not a very typical post on disgracepoint, since it is something that comes from outside of our church, but someone sent these typos / unintended messages on church bulletins to me.. Supposedly these were ACTUAL bulletins that were printed at churches, which were submitted.
"The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals"
"Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. it's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands."
"Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you."
"The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals"
"Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. it's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands."
"Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you."
Icebreaker Game
Game master: Okay everyone, please group yourself according to these groupings.. Oldest child or single child is group 1, middle child/in-between child is group 2, and youngest child is group 3.
Participant 1: I'm the eldest.
Participant 2: I'm the 3rd out of 4 siblings.
Participant 3: I'm the youngest in the family.
Bro Y: I'm in the middle of two.
Talkabout
Bro K: Alright. Where's the talkabout?
Bro Y: Let's talk about what?
Bro K: I mean where is the talkabout?
Bro Y: Talk about what?
Any Ideas for a Caption?
To start off:
HAIRSTYLE: They say that hairstyles affect how young you look. But he went too far.
Unusual Name
Setting: Brother D meets someone new at an gathering...
Brother D: Hi, what's your name?
Friend P: My name is Pu.
Brother D: Pu? Did you say Pu?
Friend P: Yeah.. that's my name.
Brother D: Ha ha ha... that's so unfortunate! Oh man! ha ha ha ha
Friend P: [reads Brother D's nametag] And your name is... Dung.
Brother D: Hi, what's your name?
Friend P: My name is Pu.
Brother D: Pu? Did you say Pu?
Friend P: Yeah.. that's my name.
Brother D: Ha ha ha... that's so unfortunate! Oh man! ha ha ha ha
Friend P: [reads Brother D's nametag] And your name is... Dung.
Disgracepoint Classic: Reading
Here's another old post that has become a classic.
http://www.disgracepointonline.org/2009/10/english-patient-problematic-devotions.html
http://www.disgracepointonline.org/2009/10/english-patient-problematic-devotions.html
History Patient: Rosa Parks
Brother J is trying to find out where the New Student Welcome Night is, and hears that it's in the Rosa Parks Room.
He asks, "Hey, so where exactly is this park?"
He asks, "Hey, so where exactly is this park?"
Old Lady
Setting: A group of sisters are shopping at Target for Angel Tree gifts, one of which is a wallet for a 10-year-old girl.
Sister J: I like this wallet! It's cute and looks like something a 10-year-old will like.
Sister C: No, let's get something simpler, like this black one (indicating a wallet on display).
Sister D: No way! That looks like it belongs to an old lady! (indicating wallet Sister J is holding).
Sister J: Um...this is mine.
Sister J: I like this wallet! It's cute and looks like something a 10-year-old will like.
Sister C: No, let's get something simpler, like this black one (indicating a wallet on display).
Sister D: No way! That looks like it belongs to an old lady! (indicating wallet Sister J is holding).
Sister J: Um...this is mine.
Disgracepoint Classic: Rice Pot
Here's an old post that deserves to be laughed at again.
http://www.disgracepointonline.org/2008/10/love-and-marriage-rice-pot.html
http://www.disgracepointonline.org/2008/10/love-and-marriage-rice-pot.html
English Patient: Holy Huddle
While discussing the importance of not remaining comfortable within a churched circle of friends, English Patient Friend commented strongly, "Yeah. This shouldn't be a holy cuddle."
Spellcheck
submitted by Matt
Here’s an email that was sent out:
Hey guys, I am going to invite E and C and their house guys over for dinner this coming Money. Let me know if you see a potential problem. Thanks.
Geography Patient
submitted by Sarah from Davis
Setting: Sister K comes back from a family vacation in Hawaii..
Sister K: Hi, I missed everyone!
Sister N: Welcome back to America!
Sister K: Hawaii is part of America.
A few minutes later...
Sister K: I brought back some boxes chocolate for everyone.
Sister N: Oh! What kind of currency do they use over there?
Sister K: U.S. dollars.
Setting: Sister K comes back from a family vacation in Hawaii..
Sister K: Hi, I missed everyone!
Sister N: Welcome back to America!
Sister K: Hawaii is part of America.
A few minutes later...
Sister K: I brought back some boxes chocolate for everyone.
Sister N: Oh! What kind of currency do they use over there?
Sister K: U.S. dollars.
Happy New Year!
Happy new year, everyone. Let’s thank God for the amazing things that He did in 2010 and look toward year 2011 with a sense of renewed anticipation.
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Friend: What was the name of that Asian girl from Harry Potter? Sister S: Chow Mein! Friend: Nevermind.
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The predominant response of people who have seen this picture of Jasper wearing a bullfighter outfit has been, “Why, why why??” In response,...
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This video is the compilation of the "best of" Richard Tjhen, who got married recently to Flo. This was shown during their wedding...
