Shorthand

Setting: During one of the GLive practices, people are reading through the scripts...

Sister A: Hey!  I never knew that "XIAN" was a shorthand for "Asian"!!


NOTE: Try actually phonetically pronouncing the word, and you can sympathize with all English Patients out there.

Arnold from Down Under

Setting: Brother Y is talking with a group of people about Sister C's accent.

Friend: Hey, Sister C has a cool accent.  Is she from Australia?

Brother Y: Yeah!  Like Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Crazy Cooking

"Hey, we can have meatball sandwiches for the group lunch!  It's easy.  We just need a crack pot."

Outsmarting the Phone Companies

submitted by David Lee of Gracepoint Austin

Sister S:  Hey, I figured out a way to not get charged for incoming text messages.

Friend:  Really?  How?

Sister S:  My phone lets me preview the first few words of my messages, and if I get the gist of the message, I won't open it, and so I won't get charged!  Mwuahahaha!  That'll show them.

Friend:  Um, you get charged either way because it got sent to you.

Sister S:  Oh.

Hungry Illusions

Bro. J: Hey where did you come from?

Friend: Oh, just came from the dorms after going to RSF.

Bro. J: Oh okie. What's that smell?

Friend: What smell? You mean my deodorant?

Bro. J: What? Doughnut?!! You had doughnuts!!

Friend: What doughnuts? I said deodorant.

Bro. J: Oh, sorry. You know, I've been on diet and somehow I just heard doughnuts.

Friend In Need

Sister T is at the ARC (Davis's version of RSF) and has never been on a treadmill before but wants to try it out.  Sister M is running on the treadmill next to her.  Sister T stands on the treadmill and turns it on at full speed, thinking it can't be that fast--after all, a 25mph car ride seems so slow.  She flies off the treadmill.  Confused, she keeps trying to run back onto the treadmill to turn it off but she keeps falling off.  She even gets on her hands and knees, trying to climb back onto the treadmill but can't seem to do it.  Sister M has headphones on and is oblivious to the plight of Sister T right next to her.  Sister T gives up and taps on Sister M's shoulder who turns, reaches over, and presses the off button on Sister T's treadmill.

Lost

There was a story-worthy trip in which a group of brothers coming back from a domestic mission trip got lost so badly that they were on the road for an extra 2-3 hours... One of the more amazing parts of the story is that one of the brothers had a working GPS in the car..

So others asked him, "Didn't you have your GPS on?"

Brother C answers, "Yeah, it was turned on, but it kept on telling me to turn around, so I turned it off."

Some other brothers from that trip have compiled some things that they are thankful for:
1) I've always wondered Bakersfield is like but have never gotten around to it visiting. Now, I've confirmed my suspicions that it's not worth the trip
2) Thankful that we weren't on the way TO the mission trip
3) Thankful that there were no sisters with us.

Frodo Meets English Patient

Setting: While watching Lord of the Rings where Frodo and company are running away from the Nazgul and Merry suggests using a "Buckleberry Ferry"...

Sister C: "Hey, Buckleberry Ferry! That's just like Buckleberry Finn!"

Friends: "Umm...you mean Huckleberry Finn?"

[Later on the in the movie, when Gandalf is trying to open the door to Moria]

Sister C: "Sesame open!"

Disgracepoint Classic: Normal vs. Pastor Manny

A classic Normal vs. video, about Pastor Manny of Gracepoint Austin.

http://www.disgracepointonline.org/2008/10/normal-vs-manny-kim.html

Animal Game #2

NOTE: This disgracepoint post should be read along with the previous post, "Animal Game #1"

Son: Mommy, I'm thinking of an animal that starts with the letter "B".

Mom: Is it a bear?
Son: Nope.
Mom: A bird?
Son: Mmmm.. No.
[After many attempts]
Mom: Okay, I can't guess it.  What is it?
Son: A bicycle!!
Mom: [concerned silence]

Animal Game #1

Setting: A guessing game played between mommy & her son...

Son: Mommy, let's play the animal game!

Mom: Sure!

Son: I'm thinking of an animal that starts with the letter "P"

Mom: Is it a penguin?

Son: No.

Mom: Pig?

Son: Nope.

Mom: Okay, what is it?

Son: It's a Big Fat Chicken!!!

Mom: [concerned silence]

Turning Things Around

During a GLive practice, Brother S gathers everyone in the gym and says:
"All right everyone, good job!  I think we've made a 360 degree improvement!"

Helen Keller

Friend: You know Helen Keller, right?

Sister Y: Oh yeah!  She's the flyer!

Friend: Flyer...?

Sister Y sticks out her arms to make an airplane motion

Friend: You mean a pilot?

Sister Y: O yeah!

Friend: I think you might be thinking of Amelia Earhart.

Sister Y: Oh, yeah! Helen Keller was the blind person!

Who Feels Comfortable?

Setting: At an InterHigh service, English Patient Sister K is asking a series of questions...

"Hey guys, who feels comfortable killing a mosquito?"

[audience response]

"Okay... who feels comfortable killing an aunt?"

[silence]

"I meant ant!  Ant!"

Expensive Shopping List

A shopping list gets sent out, saying:  Please pick up some salary.

Eugene's Shoes

I am not sure if this is funny, but some sisters thought it was funny.  This is a picture of Eugene Peng's shoes, but I have no way of confirming this claim.