Metal Allergies

Student: I'm allergic to nickel.

Sister B: Oh my gosh, does that mean you're allergic to dimes and quarters too?

Merry Marriage

Friend:  can I crash your dinner tonight?

Brother T:  Please do!  More the married!

Muppets

Brother JC: You know, in the muppets, there's that Hermit the Cra...  [pause]  I mean, Kermit the Frog.

Friends: Hey, were you going to say Hermit the Crab?  Like hermit crabs?

Brother JC: But I didn't say it fully, so it doesn't count!

Naturalization

Friend 1: Even though I wasn't born here, I became an American citizen automatically because my dad naturalized.

Friend 2: What does that mean?

Sister J (chem major): It means acid and base were combined together to form water and salt.

Rose Ablaze

Student:  Oh!  I heard!

Sister G: Heard what?

Student: I heard that you dozed off in front of your boss yesterday.

Sister G:  Oh man, the news is spreading like a wild-flower!

Singing Audition

Setting: An email gets sent out to a mass alias regarding Thanksgiving Celebration...

"Hi! I am so excited about this TC. We are in need of some talented brothers and sisters who can sin."


NOTE: I guess that means everyone's qualified.