Balding Tires

Setting: A group of brothers are checking the tires for their car for a long ride.

Brother S: [coming up from behind] Ooo, kind of balding in the back there, ey?

Brother G: [touching the back of his head]  Ah man, I know...

Swollen Thumb

Setting: Sister B is soaking her thumb in a bowl of ice water after getting a bug bite that made her finger swell.  Sister A comes home and is really concerned.

Sister A:  Oh my gosh!  You need to put your whole hand into the bowl!!
Sister B: Why?
Sister A: Because your whole hand is swollen!
Sister B: ...this is my normal hand size.  Only my thumb is swollen.
Sister A: [silence]

Ordering at a Restaurant

Setting: Sister K is ordering at a Mexican restaurant and reading off the ingredients on the menu.

Sister K: So this comes with... grilled chicken, fresh bell peppers, Habernero Sauce, Le Huce…? Excuse me, what’s Le Huce? Is that some kind of sauce?  Is it good?

Cashier (looks at the menu): You mean lettuce?

English Patient Chaos

Setting: A group of sisters are trying to decide what to do for the evening.

Sister E: Let's take a walk on the beach.

Friend: Nah.

Sister E: Who made you the perpetrator?

Friend: What?

Sister E: You know, the one who directs everything.  Like the SAT people.

Friend: You mean Procter?

Sister E: Yea!

Friend: That still doesn't make sense.  I'm going to buy you a dictionary.

Geography Patient

Setting: A group of sisters are looking at pictures.

Sister B: Oh, where is this?

Friend: That's the Sistine Chapel in Rome.

Sister B: Oh really?  Is that in Germany?

English Patient: Trilemma

Setting: A group of students are reviewing the contents of  Course 101.

Lifegroup Leader: Do you remember the whole issue of trying to determine the identity of Jesus, given that he claimed himself to be equal to God?

Group: Ummm..

Lifegroup Leader: You know, how he was either a liar, lunatic or lord?

English Patient Sister J: Oh yeah!  Jesus was trilingual!

Amazing Label

Setting: The junior sisters were assigned to organize the items for the Welcome Week.  And this is how one of the bins were labeled.

Dangerous Wrong Word Usage

As a bunch of sisters are walking back to their cars, one sister shouts out, "I got gunshot!!"
Other sisters tell her that it's actually "shotgun".

This reminds us of the old classic disgracepoint entry:
http://www.disgracepointonline.org/2008/06/english-lesson-importance-of-article.html

Helipad

Setting: 3 Gracepoint SD brothers are in Shanghi, looking at the view from one of the skyscrapers.

Friend: Wow, look -- so many helipads on top of buildings here!  That's where helicopters land.

Brother C: Yeah, but what does the letter "I" mean?

English Patient's Bible Study Notes

Here are some quotes from English Patient Brother D's Bible study notes...

"Samson prayed to God and destroyed the two pillows."

"Elijah was taken up to heaven by a cherry of fire."

English Patient: A Sad Feast

Setting: A bunch of Austin people are at Yosemite House, having just unloaded a lot of food.

Brother D: Oh man!  There's so much food here!  Let's have a fast!

Others: (awkward pause)

Friend: I think he meant "feast".