Technology Patient: Wife

Sister S (Technology Patient): Hey, how is your wife?

Brother: What?  I'm not married.

Sister S: Sorry, how's your Wi-Fi internet?

English Patient: Amazing Food Places

Sister Y: Hey, in Pleasanton, there are these amazing restaurants in the palace.

Friend: There's a palace in Pleasanton?  Wait, do you mean plaza?

Tobasco

Setting: A father and son walking down the aisle of Safeway...

Son: Hey Daddy!  Remember how you said we ran out of tobacco?  Don't forget!  We need more tobacco!

English Patient: Blew a Gasket

Sister E: Oh no, did he blow a casket?

Friend: No, that would be cruel.

Trash-talking on the Whiteboard

This is a whiteboard that some elementary boys at Gracepoint Berkeley were using to trash-talk to each other.  Grammatical and spelling errors are just not the kinds of things that boys ridicule each other about.

Yoda's Rice Pot

Does Yoda come to Gracepoint?

English Patient: Sky Mountain Camp

Setting: A group of sisters are looking at pictures of the Sky Mountain Camp.

Friend: Look, here's the meadow that Pastor Ed was talking about.

Sister J: Where?  I don't see it.

Friend: (points to the obvious meadow in the picture) Here, the meadow.

Sister J: I really don't see it.  I thought it was big and beautiful and shiny.

Friend: What?

Sister J: The big metal.

English Patient: Wrong Wrong

Setting: A group of sisters are laughing at a comical sign below...

Friends: [laughing]

Sister X: Huh?  I don't get it.

Friends: You don't get it??  This means in a marriage, when there's an argument... the wife is always right and the other... 

Sister X: I don't get it.

Friends: What's the opposite of "right"?

Sister X: Left.

Friends: [silence]

Confusing Label

I have no idea how to make sense of this label.  This container contained soy sauce, but that seems to be beside the point.  What could possibly be inside the container which would make sense of this label?

English Patient: Hand Sanitizer

Brother T: Hey, can you pass me the hand sanctifier?